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"Orb is Horse" was originally released on May 6, 2013.

Description Edit

Can you guys even imagine how psyched we were for the Kentucky Derby? This is a day about honoring the best that horsekind has to offer. It's about the cream of the crop among a species that is already cream of the animal crop. Yes, please.

Suggested Talking Points Edit

Acid Magnate, Second Place, Pony Regrets, The Best Testicle Day, Murdermask, Wolfwhistles, DuckTales

Outline Edit

05:14 - Last week I asked a close girl-friend of a year and a half out on a date (I'm a dude, B T Dubs). She said no. Meanwhile in the week since my rejection I have developed feelings for her best friend (oops). My question is this: is it too soon to pursue a relationship with her bestie? -- Betwixt In Bristol

10:05 - Y - Sent in by Marina Baker, from Yahoo Answers user 123, who asks:

My mom got me a pony but I didn't want one?

I already told her before a million times that I don't want a pony, I've never wanted a pony and I don't know why some girls are so obsessed with the thought of having them. And even then only little kids like ponies. I am 13 for fuck sake. I could have gotten so many other things for the amount of money she spent on that effing pony. It's just because she wanted a pony as a kid so it's her present for herself wow what a fucking great birthday. It's boring and I don't know what to do with it. Even a real horse would have been better but still a god damn waste of time and money. How do I get her to bring that piece of shit back? I don't want it, fuck!

Orb-kentucky-derby-winner-2013

Picture of Orb's horse-form from the 2013 Kentucky Derby

19:11 - I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm not having any fun because I have no friends. I have the opportunity to transfer to a school where I already know people; the problem is all my credits won't transfer. If I stay where I am I'll be able to graduate in a year, but if I leave I have to stay two more years. Do you guys think I should go and have fun, or stay and graduate early? -- Friendless In Philly

23:57 - MZ - Sponsored by The Origins of Wit and Humor. Sponsored by Extreme Restraints. Sponsored by Independent Film Channel. Personal message from Claire and Ben. Advertisement for Judge John Hodgman.

33:58 - Y - Sent in by Ira Wray, from Yahoo Answers user Ben19999, who asks:
Are you Ira Wray? Wh
What is a normal day for your testicles?

I don't know what is normal or not and I don't have the balls to ask my doctor. But my testicles swell and shrink back all day long. Sometimes it feels puffed out and hard like a hackey sack ball. Other times its like a loose change purse. Has been like this my whole life and I never knew if it was normal or not. Or what is normal.

39:38 - Help! Whenever someone talks about something embarrassing with me, I turn bright red. I'm learning this at age twenty three, after spending years trying to develop a poker face. Is there a way to stop this hue change? Alternatively, is this a skill I can use to my advantage? -- #FF0000

44:24 - I live in a small college town. I'm 31-years-old. When I drive to my house, which is close to the college campus, I see some very beautiful girls walking on the sidewalks. What, if any, is the appropriate method of stopping to talk to the girls. I've attempted the classy "could you give me directions... to your heart?" That doesn't seem to work. So, MBMBaM, any advice would be appreciated. -- Pick Up Policy In Pennsylvania

53:11 - Housekeeping

56:29 - FY - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from Yahoo Answers user Josh, who asks:

Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

Quotes Edit

So here's what you do - you vampire it.
— Travis

On Orb The Horse Edit

Provide me 1 metric cube of sweet glycerin and I will tell your fortune.
— Griffin

Trivia Edit

Deep Cuts Edit

References & Links Edit

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