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"The Taco Nexus" was originally released on July 1, 2013.

DescriptionEdit

Folks, we implore you, for the good of mankind, for the sake of your children and your children's children, for the betterment of the entire world and all its inhabitants: Just tilt the taco.

Suggested Talking Points Edit

Patriotic Mash-Up, Snake Guy, Basketball Hyperkinesis, Pringles Yoga, Anger Two, Squishy Winks, Sheryl Psy

OutlineEdit

Opening bit: Justin sings Grand Old Flag[1] to honor Independence Day[2], gets compared to Girl Talk[3]. Justin suggests mash-up artists should mash up all holiday songs into one super song for each holiday, and hits us with an example. Travis and Griffin elaborate on the theme.

04:40 - The McElroy rendition of Summer Girl by LFO[4].

Jakethesnake

One possible solution: a photo collage of Jake "The Snake" Roberts[5].

05:02 - I find myself in the need of some advice. In several weeks a very good friend of mine is leaving our city to pursue a PhD. Though I am quite sad he is leaving my general vicinity, I am also excited he got into his number one college and will be studying his favorite subject. Here's my problem. I want to get him something meaningful, but I don't know what the man version of "framed photo collage of some of our favorite memories with a thoughtful letter written on the back." What can I get him that will be meaningful but won't be too girly? PS: I'm a gay lady, so this isn't about a sad loss of love that could've been. -- Megan

Tomorrowpeople

Tomorrow People[6]?

11:39 - Y - Sent in by Scott Akerman, from Yahoo Answers user ARJ2288, who asks:

How does Shaq[7] have mental conversations?

Shaq claimed at the 2009 NBA draft that he had mental conversations with LeBron James[8]. "I haven't had any verbal conversations with LeBron but I've had many mental conversations with him." How is this possible?
Taco Bell "Taco Neck" - Commercial00:31

Taco Bell "Taco Neck" - Commercial

Griffin suggests Shaq's three point capabilities are caused by Shaq Taco Neck Syndrome. Evidence.

Mbmbamqoty
18:47 - I'm a full-time yoga instructor. I have dated a few girls who have come in to the yoga studio and it always ends up not working out. I get the impression they expect me to be different from other guys they've dated, and in a lot of ways I am. I think in their mind I sit around and meditate all day. How do I give them a reasonable expectation of who I am outside the yoga studio? Or should I stop dating girls from there altogether? -- Let's Namaste Friends in Nashville

[Omitted from the initial reading: I'm still a guy. I like to watch the Simpsons, pro sports, and sometimes when I nap I fart in my sleep.]

25:56 - Farm Wisdom

Farm Wisdom, Farm Wisdom

Pick up your pitchfork, Farm Wisdom

Travis: This first one comes from Johnny, and Johnny says:

If you have a problem with rabbits messing your garden up, spread human hair throughout the soil. Rabbits hate the smell of human hair.

Travis: This next one comes from Alyssa, who says:
Did you know that if you see a bull snake around your house, that means you don't have any rattle snakes around. Bull snakes will murder the fuck out of them.

29:39 - MZ - Personal message for Wilson from Ryan:

Hey Wilson. Yeah you, Wilson. Is this freaking you out? I bet it is! Happy 21st birthday, you magnificent son of a bitch.

30:46 - MZ - Sponsored by Extreme Restraints.

34:30 - Y - Sent in by Wayne Rowan, from Yahoo Answers user Sophie, who asks:

Do horses have any emotions that humans don't have?

I am actually doing a horse behavior presentation for an equine class i am in, but I was wondering if horses had EXACTLY the same emotions that we (humans) do. I went on a website that told me the types of behavior that horses have...
Acceptance
Affection
Anger 1
Horse

Anger 2
Annoyance
Apathy
Anxiety
Boredom
Compassion
Contentment
Curiosity
Fear
Loneliness
Physical suffering...
Which most humans have but do horses have any emotions that humans dont have or that humans cant relate to?
Thanks!

On the 14 Horse Emotion TypesEdit

I. Acceptance:Edit

Justin: That's fair. If you're professionally being ridden, you do need that.

II. Affection:Edit

Griffin: Sure.

III & IV. Angers 1 & 2:Edit

Travis: Anger 1 is like a quiet, reserved anger. And Anger 2 is like an explosion of biting.
Justin: It's just spurs, if they see spurs they're just like "Ugh. Anger 2."
Travis: I am Angry 1!
Griffin: Breakin' out the dos today.

V. Annoyance:Edit

Justin: Who doesn't?

VI. Apathy:Edit

Griffin: [sighs] Well. Oats. Oats, I guess.
Travis: Another ride? Ugh.
Griffin: Oh sure, whatever. Jumps, tricks. It's all the same.
Justin: Beautifully soaring through nature like an Earthbound dragon? Sure, why not.

VII. Anxiety:Edit

Griffin: What if I run out of oats? It could happen.

VIII. Boredom:Edit

Justin: Well, okay, I can't blame them too much for that.
Griffin: Right, it's like they can't even watch Game of Thrones. Like, they don't get HBO Go.
Travis: Could you turn the TV towards the window please?
Justin: I got a big day today. I'm either gonna stand in grass, or run in a loop. I can't wait to see what fate has in store.
Griffin: Okay, I mean. Tame horses, yes, I could see them falling prey to boredom. Wild horses? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Boredom, for a wild horse? It can't happen. Wild horses aren't familiar with this emotion. Cause they can just go jump over a brook they've never jumped over before.
Justin: I have to imagine that for a wild horse, it's mainly about anxiety. Cause they're very fast. And I could see a situation where you're in a conversation, deep with another horse friend, and then all of a sudden you look at them and think "Hey, Rodrigo, have you seen any grass for a while?" And then Rodrigo's like "Oh my god, you're right. There's no grass."
Travis: And then they're in the middle of a parking lot.
Justin: They're in a parking lot, and he says "Oh great, this is gonna be on the news."
Travis: Was no one paying attention? Who was following who?
Griffin: I'm feeling Annoyance right now. Which could be upgraded to Anger 1 if something doesn't change.
Justin: If you keep running your fuckin' mouth, Rodrigo, it's gonna get upgraded to Anger 2 and you don't want to see that. So maybe just relax and let me figure this out.

IX. Compassion:Edit

Griffin: Aw, he's got a fat rider. That's too bad. Did you see Lucy? Lucy's got a fat rider. I know, ugh poor thing. Poor dear.
Justin: If you are a being that is mainly bred to be ridden, and you can still work up compassion for anything else, god bless you. That is a beautiful reserve of good will you have in you.
Travis: Well, they feel bad for the burros.
Griffin: Sure. Sure they do.
Travis: For the burros!
Griffin: Yeah, no, roll the r's because it's not authentic if you don't.
Travis: For the burrrrros!
Griffin: Thank you.
Justin: I don't know what animal you're talking about if you don't roll the r.

X. Contentment:Edit

Griffin: Very few horses, I imagine, feel this. Orb appreciates the fact that he has reached the physical fucking apex of possibly any creature on the planet.
Justin: It's just anxiety, right? Even if you win the Kentucky Derby, it's like, "Well am I gonna get the Triple Crown?" That's what everybody starts asking. That's a lot of pressure.
Griffin: Am I going to be able to fucking keep up this perfect body until the Preakness? They're gonna shower me in oats after this fucking thing.
Travis: What if I can't perform my stud duties?
Griffin: Oh man. I bet Orb fucks like a cylinder.
Travis: Like a stallion.
Justin: There's a whole saying where someone says they're hung like a you. That's a lot of pressure.

XI. Curiosity:Edit

Justin: Doubtful.
Travis: Based on what??
Griffin: Why is that doubtful?
Justin: Like, what are they curious about? They have everything they need hand delivered to them.
Travis: I wonder what driving a car is like.
Griffin: Right.
Justin: If they're curious about anything, they're certainly not acting on it. Cause they seem to be kind of in a rut as a species.
Griffin: Yeah, nobody's ever said curiosity killed the horse. A fucking helicopter could land next to a horse and a horse would be like "That's not an apple. Is that an apple? Let me check for a stem. Nope, no stem. No thanks."
Justin: Come back when you're hay.

XII. Fear:Edit

Griffin: Sure.
Travis: Yeah.
Justin: Yeah, daily.
Travis: If there's a bull snake around? Those things are terrified.

XIII. Loneliness:Edit

Griffin: Not if I have anything to say about it.

XIV. Physical Suffering:Edit

Griffin: Yes, sure. Definitely. 100%. Their entire being is suspended in a state of constant suffering. So yes.
Justin: When horses get the spurs and then they run faster, they're trying to run away from a danger that is physically attached to them. That's the saddest thing in the world.

More on Horse Emotion Types Vs. Human Emotion TypesEdit

Emotions Horses Feel that Humans Do Not:Edit
  • Prancing
  • Can Someone Please Learn How to Cook Oats There Has to be a Way to Cook Oats
  • Disappointment in Oats
  • Disappointment in Humanity
  • Knowing That You're the First Horse that Ever Let Someone Sit on Them and Now Your Children's Children's Children's Children's Children Are Gonna Have a Human Being Strapped to Their Back: The First Horse That Got Caught
Emotions Horses Feel that Griffin Does Not:Edit
  • Anger 2
Emotions Griffin Feels That Horses Do Not:Edit
  • I'm Proud of Your Sheryl Crow Joke, Travis

47:05 - I have an office job, and a new employee was recently hired on. He seems like a nice normal guy, except for this one thing. He keeps winking at everybody all the time. In almost every conversation he hays, usually when he's making a joke or saying something that could be considered amusing, he winks. It's making me and my other coworkers a bit uncomfortable. What should we do bout this wacky winker? -- Winked at in the Northwest

54:13 - Is it appropriate to leave a small party (six people), when somebody puts on Gangnam Style and asks everyone to start dancing? -- Unsure in Oklahoma

58:41 - Housekeeping

  • Plug for MBMBaM Sampler: bit.ly/mbmbam2013
  • Plug for the PO Box to send "physical objects of your affection." Request that you please don't "send anymore weird things."
  • Plug for Justin's new podcast Sawbones

62:11 - FY Sent in by Ravi Patel, from Yahoo Answers user Tiff24, who asks:

How would you describe the difference in Tia and Tamera's personalities?

Quotes Edit

Is this straight-a-phobia? Is this what we’ve got going on here? This is a case of straight-a-phobia.
— Justin

On Jake RobertsEdit

He must have been so excited when he figured out that Jake and snake rhymed.
— Justin
He had a bank account full of snake receipts, but not money, and you can't spend snake receipts at the Piggly Wiggly, you know?
— Griffin
'Cause he had a houseful of snakes. They're not gonna stay in the garbage can.
— Travis
That kind of frivolity is what made snake prices go up so high.
— Travis

On How to Not be Your Yoga Studio's MegadoucheEdit

Maybe start by thinking of them as women?
— Justin

On PringlesEdit

Can we not just enjoy these last remaining years before all of our things come in convex shapes?
— Griffin

On Squish Winking EtiquetteEdit

Hey. Nice penis. Squish.
— Justin

On Sheryl Crow's RacismEdit

That does explain all the Sheryl Crow Laws.
— Travis

Trivia Edit

Deep Cuts Edit

References & Links Edit

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14857-mC09A
  2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independence_Day_(United_States)
  3. Girl Talk Wiki
  4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1dfEf1qOt4
  5. Jake Roberts on the Pro Wrestling Wiki
  6. The Tomorrow People Wiki
  7. Shaquille O'Neal on the Basketball Wiki
  8. LeBron James on the Basketball Wiki

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