"Torsey" was originally released on November 11, 2013.
Happy birthday to all three brothers, because all three of them definitely have the same birthday, because really, what kind of parent would give two of their kids the same birthday and then leave the third one out in the cold? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE PARENTS THAT CRUEL?
Suggested Talking Points Edit
Birthdaze, Martins and Sheens, Curse Squad, Online Publishing, Shoplifting Update, Horse Fuzzy, Candy Crime, Subway Hacks
04:48 - A couple of weeks ago I found a note inside my locker. It said (and this is roughly translated from Norwegian), "Been thinking about you a lot lately. [phone number] Call me ♥." Well, I thought someone put that in the wrong locker or something, so I ignored it. Today, on the seventh of November, I found another note in my locker that said almost the same thing. My problem is that I am quite paranoid over stuff like this. I do not know how to respond. Please help, brothers." -- Paranoid In Norway
10:05 - Y - Sent in by Ben Noteboom, from Yahoo Answers user Eric, who asks:
How di I go about destroying a cursed item?
My sister is an atheist, and she has a wiccan friend. Her friend gave my sister a stone that she apparently hexed so that my sister would have better focus. Anyways, I want to destroy the stone because it was hexed using evil spirits but I do not want to release anything into my life or my family's lives. So how would I go about doing that?
14:39 - I've been recently meeting a lot of new people, and in attempt to make conversation they've been asking me, "what's your story?" I have a hard time talking about myself sometimes, so how am I supposed to respond to that question? Do they really want a summary of my life up until this point? What do I say when someone asks me that? -- Flustered In Philly
29:39 - MZ - Sponsored by Warby Parker. Sponsored by Nature Box. Personal message from the Archery Guild Of Calamitous Intent. Personal message from Evan Smail. Advertisement for Bullseye.
36:33 - Farm Wisdom
- Hog castration.
38:19 - Y - Sent in by Spencer Lee Curtis, from Yahoo Answers user Melissa, who asks:
My horse hates other horses?
My horse is gentle and sweet, but his personality changes toward other horses. I feel absolutely awful when my horse tries to bite and scowl at horses walking by. He's kicked two horses at the barn I board at, and people are starting to refer to him as the crazy one. I don't feel like there's much I can do to make him stop, other than negative reinforcement when it happens. He's generally polite, but turns into an ugly monster when faced with another horse. Any ideas? Thank you for reading!
47:38 - My office had a Halloween party, which resulted in a large bucket of candy being left over and set out in a common area. The next morning all of the candy except for the Milky ways were gone. A coworker claims to be the sole witness, but doesn't want it to get out because that would cause workplace tension between adults over candy. Should I press my coworker to snitch? This was probably twenty to thirty dollars in good candy, and this is not the first time it happened. -- Snitchwich
51:40 - Y - Sent in by Steven Emmerich, from Yahoo Answers user Diddy, who asks:
Best subway meat sandwich?
I've been wanting to try something new. I love cold cut meats, and cheeses. Not a fan of turkey or chicken subs. What combination of meats and cheeses could I get that would be good and on what type of bread?
57:58 - Housekeeping
60:58 - FY - Sent in by Andrew Garcia, from Yahoo Answers user Richard, who asks:
what determines a moose's coloration?
On Avoiding Work Edit
- “Yeah, if you don't want money! What are you talking about!?”
- — Griffin
On Learning A Trade Edit
- “My house hasn't been burgled, because nobody learned how to pick a fucking lock!”
- — Griffin
On Money Zone Personal Messages Edit
- “I've got a message for Steven Yi: watch your fucking back.”
- — Justin
On Horse Fuzzies Edit
- “If I wanted to be a horse, I think I still would be classified as a 'Furry.'"
"No, you would be 'Everyone.'”
- — Griffin & Travis
On Justin and Travis' Advancing Age Edit
- “I'm 33 now, and I am to a point where (and this has just started to happen) I start to feel weird about eating candy. I've got some candy here, and it seems like it's for kids now, I guess."
"Good news is (Travis, you mentioned Starbursts) you can't eat Starbursts anymore, but can I suggest this substitute of Metamucil fiber chews? Just as good, and they keep your pipes flowin'. What are you into, Skittles? Skittles aren't going to do you anymore, but how about these Centrum Daily Vitamins? They're Skittles that you have to eat or else you'll die, because you're thirty years old now, and your body won't just fix itself anymore the way it used to.”
- — Justin & Griffin
- “You have no idea what it's like being the youngest brother. It's like I have two portraits of myself that a wizard painted, and I can watch them both getting older in front of me, and it's like, "Oh, I'm gonna be that! AND THEN I'M GOING TO BE THAT!" It's really fucking terrifying.”
- — Griffin
On Ordering A Subway Sandwich Edit
- “I'd like this, and this, and this, and this, and I'd like to make it myself.”
- — Travis