"The Legend of Cracker Barrel" was originally released on January 12, 2015, at 9:11 AM.

Description Edit

We'd ask that you enjoy this episode, but thanks to the New Constitution of the Chill States, you don't really have a choice. Be cool! C'mon. Niiiice.

Suggested Talking Points Edit

Farewell to Middle-earth, Heraldry, Pokepsychology, Supreme Judgment, The Midnight Amendments, Savers Love Heist, Beef Nuggets, Durancis

Outline Edit

Intro - Farewell to Middle-earth

04:31 - My SO and I currently have an anniversary coming up and we live in the same house. Recently I walked into his office and saw part of what I immediately knew was most likely a section of my gift. It wasn't finished, but I could see what was happening. It was on the floor, so not exactly hidden or in the process of wrapping. Am I good? Should I pretend fake surprise when he gives it to me, or should I come clean? -- I Am The Ira Wray[1]

09:51 - Y - Sent in by Drew Davenport, from President of the United States Barack Hussein Obama[2], who asks:
Level 600 YaDrew Sha
Whats a clever way to invite someone to medieval times?

i want to invite someone to medieval times but i need a clever way to word it so thats not "Do you want to go with me?" i can't find a way to ask with the theme of medieval times apparent in the invitation.. any ideas?

14:52 - Dear brothers, I'm making a career change by leaving the safety net of corporate auto insurance to instead own and operate a gaming store;  board games, card games, and roleplaying. The store has a solid customer base, but recently competition has been spawning and that worries me. How do I differentiate my brand so my Pokémon will bring all the nerds to the yard? -- Dungeon Master Dan in Iowa Land

24:16 - Y - Sent in by Dan Green, from Yahoo Answers user Ericthebean, who asks:

If Obama proposed a law saying "Obama shall be supreme judge over all Americans"?

And single-handedly determine, carry out, and interpret the life and death determination of Every American"

And right before that, pass a Constitutional Amendment saying "ALL other Amendments in the entire US constitution are hereby repealed and no longer apply" and at gun point...all 50 states ratified it for fear of being shot...........

Would you vote in support of a ballot question giving Obama the right to determine who in USA shall live and who shall die?"

Knowing if you vote "NO" on this and 99.9997% of Americans fearfully vote yes, you will probably be rounded up and killed

32:01 - MZ - Sponsored by Sponsored by Nature Box. Personal message from Nutter, Tanker, and Eric. Personal message from Claire.

42:42 - I have an awkward friend; over the past month of so, he's been going to the local grocery store every Saturday to buy groceries. He does this because he has a thing for this girl who works there and she is a checkout clerk every Saturday. They don't know each other's names and he's been doing things like buying healthier foods to try and impress her. He plans to buy flowers soon and while she is scanning his groceries, he wants to ask her what she thinks of it and if she likes it the plan is to leave it at her station, and when she tells him he forgot it, he will say "No, it's where I wanted it to go.". How do I talk my friend out of this terrible plan? -- Confused in Coralville

49:45 - Y - Sent in by Jessica Rosen, from Yahoo Answers user Big Cheese, who asks:

Why there is no beef nuggets?

but chicken nuggets?

53:34 - I am moving into a new condo in the DC metro area; what do I do about the awkward introductions to neighbors? Do I knock on their door with baked goods, or ask which day the trash goes out, see if they make the first move, or accidentally bump into them in the hallways someday? Or am I just supposed to go about living my life and only give a casual nod if I ever see one? -- Moving in Maryland

57:57 - Housekeeping

  • Recommended Maximum Fun Network podcasts: Bunker Buddies, Sawbones, The Flop House, Big Gulp, The Adventure Zone, Jordan Jesse Go, Judge John Hodgman, Oh No Ross And Carrie, Throwing Shade, The Goosedown, Destination DIY

63:33 - FY - Sent in by Zack Kimble & Zoe Skilran, from Yahoo Answers user Agape Granny, broad, who asks:

According to the bible, is vanity over one's potato salad a sin?

Quotes Edit

On Executive Powers Edit

I saw that episode schoolhouse rock where the thing was like, ♪"I'm just a bill, yes I'm only a bill, and the president can kill anyone!"♪
— Griffin

Trivia Edit

Deep Cuts Edit

  • Griffin McElroy briefly mentions, "It's about ethics in...", a disparaging reference to the reactionary movement called Gamergate.

References & Links Edit

  1. Travis confirms that this isn't actually Ira Wray
  2. Actually just an anonymous user