"Birthday Surprise Hole" was originally released on July 6, 2015, at 8:28 AM.
So, look. Here's the thing. We prepped all our questions for this episode, but about 10 minutes in, we realized that we just weren't going to do them. So, in this bizarre installment of MBMBaM, we share advice that we wish we could have given our past selves -- important instructions like: Hey, put that bottle of frosted tip gel down. Put it in the garbage, actually.
Suggested Talking Points Edit
Cold Showers, Exotic Salsas, Video Toasters, Minkus Khan, Safety Patrol, The Pub, Vintage Cocaine, Balls Out United, Peer-Reviewed Bacon, Credit Card Collapse, On Frosted Tips, The Worst Birthday Present of All Time
This episode is unusual in structure. The brothers decide not to actually do any questions and instead just tell stories about their own lives.
0:45 - Justin talks about how great cold showers are. The brothers go on a tangent about salsa for some reason.
06:44 - Griffin remembers when, in his high school TV production class, he tried to make a cooking show using the condiment station at school and failed and created a horrible approximation of "salsa".
07:28 - Justin remembers when the other students in his TV production class made the TV read "Justin is a homosexual" while he was on screen and was more angry that they knew how to make text appear and he didn't than about their insult.
08:50 - The brothers decide to just keep talking about their own lives for the whole show. "Do you guys just want to rap this whole time? We've gone nine minutes now without doing a question." "Yeah, let's keep it going!"
08:57 - Travis remembers when he tried to write an exposé about why there were never any turkey club sandwiches during his school's third lunch period. Griffin remembers when he tried to film one on pedometer shaking that turned into "a looooot of jerk-off gags".
09:55 - Justin remembers when he did Top 10 Lists (and ripped off David Letterman) on his school news and eventually got fired from doing them.
11:04 - The brothers remember how Travis resembled Minkus from Boy Meets World.
13:04 - The brothers remember their TaG ("Talented and Gifted") classes which were essentially a "reprieve from being bullied".
15:58 - The brothers remember their time on the school Safety Patrol. Griffin remembers being captain of the Fire Patrol.
19:33 - Justin remembers how he was fired from two jobs - notably, he was fired from Blockbuster Video for stealing a copy of Fight Club and potentially a copy of Showgirls.
25:25 - The brothers discuss the people they knew in college who did drugs around them. "Did you guys ever do cocaine?" Justin realizes he's the Doritos of people in that hanging out with him was part of his friends' essential marijuana-smoking experience.
28:25 - Justin remembers when he gave someone some money to fund a drug deal and made a little bit of money off of it. The company he was trying to start with his friend was called Balls Out United.
32:28 - MZ - Sponsored by Harry's. Sponsored by SquareSpace. Personal message from Grant. Personal message from Snugglebeard.
38:35 - Justin talks for a long time about trying and failing to make candied bacon. Griffin throws a fit about how uninterested he is in candied bacon and eventually just starts playing Hearthstone.
45:53 - Sway
49:12 - Justin remembers signing up for a credit card just to get a hat at a baseball game in high school.
54:05 - The brothers remember Justin's awful hair decisions - frosted tips (because his girlfriend was getting bleached blonde and they had dye left over) and baldness (after shaving his head like a monk for a school play).
59:56 - Justin tries to get his girlfriend a surprise belly button piercing for her birthday. Griffin freaks the fuck out.
62:42 - Housekeeping
66:32 - Final embarrassing stories: Justin lipsynced Sweet Home Alabama wearing a hobo shirt and holding a hobo knapsack on a stage. Griffin and Travis lipsynced Walk the Dinosaur. Griffin wrote a Pokemon story for a final project for school and had to read it for the whole class.
On Inappropriate Romantic Gifts Edit
- “If it wasn't you telling me this, I would be calling the police right now!”
- — Griffin
On the Fire Patrol Edit
- “You guys know I was captain of the fire patrol? Yeah, I got a lot of puss.”
- — Griffin