Justin: Advice show for the modren era. I’m your oldest brother Justin McElroy. Travis: I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. Griffin: And I'm Bliss Delight, an intergalactic being of all-encompassing love and light. Travis: Cool. Griffin: And boy guys is it's good to be back in the studio, after traveling through the Ethersphere, which is a whole thing that you guys have even gotten to yet! Travis: This is the second metamorphoses if I remember correctly. Griffin: Yeah you know I came back, I took a sabbatical from being Bliss Delight, and back then I was just sort of a ball of energy which was sort of launched into space, I hadn’t even hit the Ethersphere yet, and guys let me tell you someday humanity’s going to get there and that’ll be a good day. Travis: What inspired this turnaround Griffin? Griffin: I saw the Queen last night. I saw… Travis: Queen Elizabeth? Griffin: Yes, uh, reincarnated into Carly Rae Jepsen. Gang, three words: shades of Liza. Justin: Shades of Liza. Griffin: There were glimpses of Liza, God rest her soul, reincarnated into Carly Rae. Justin: Okay that’s two women who are not passed away that she is reincarnated as. Griffin: She's a lot of women! Travis: She's a future reincarnation of the un-deceased Lisa Minnelli. Griffin: She’s every woman. Travis: You know, actually I was at that concert too. Griffin: You were… not? Travis: It was okay. I mean one time I saw Styx in concert, and let me tell you guys they can put on a show. Griffin: See, Travis, I’m impervious to these jests. Travis: No, I said she was good. Justin: Bliss Delight does not recognize haters. Travis: I'm not hating! She was fine, she was good. Griffin: Once you- Travis: I can really see what she was going for. Griffin: Once you become an all-encompassing being of intergalactic love, it’s just like the only emotion that really – E•MO•TION – that matters to you at that point. Once you’ve sailed through the cosmos… guys, I went to Earth Junior, the other Earth that- Travis: That's only kids programming. Griffin: It supports humanlike life and- Justin: I have to say, I love Earth Junior, but I'm really into Earth At Night when they start showing… Travis: When they show old Earths. Griffin: And then there’s Earth Games and Sports which is just like Global Guts. I went to Earth Junior just to like check out their popstar scene. There's not a lot going on there in that department. Interesting planet though – they speak through taste. Justin: That’s… that’s so different. Griffin: Yeah they have like a spray nozzle on their palm, and then if they want to talk to somebody, that person has to open their mouth, and they spray their flavor into the mouth Justin: You know… Travis: Earth Junior would lead me to believe that they’re just the next step- like after Earth comes Earth Junior, so you’re saying we're one step removed from spraying taste for talking. Griffin: It’s actually really effective way of getting the job done; unfortunately, it's not an effective mode of transmitting pop music. If there was a Carly Rae Jepsen Earth Juniorite human that… and she would just spray her music into your mouth directly… fuck that would be great actually. Travis: Do you think we would just coin them as Two-Mans? Griffin: Yes, absolutely. Justin: I was at the concert too, I meant tell you. Travis: I saw Justin there. Justin: I was there. I really liked the music. Wasn’t as crazy about the décor. My blooming onion was a little bit substandard- Griffin: Oh, Justin. Justin: My steak was excellently prepared, and the $5.99 added skewer of grilled shrimp was worth all 599 pennies that I paid for it. Griffin: Now I know- Travis: How were the rules Justin? Justin: Well there weren’t any- Travis: What? Justin: -there at the concert. It was just right. Travis: That sounds nice. Griffin: Now I thought it was weird when they had to pivot and take the concert out of the Austin City Limits Music Hall, where it was supposed to take place, and then halfway through the show she was like “okay, come with me!” and then we walked all… (like the whole crowd and her leading it like a big parade) to the Outback Steakhouse that doesn't exist in Austin Justin: Yeah, very Andy Kaufman inspired. Very avant garde Travis: They only had Austin city limits reserved till 8 PM, and then it was being taken over by the White Stripes, I think. Justin: That… well the nice thing is you’re already at the Austin city limits; you're pretty close to Outback, they had to put it legally just outside the bounds of the city. Travis: They gotta keep it weird. Gotta keep it weird. Justin: Gotta keep it weird Justin: You know every My Brother, My Brother and Me is somebody’s first My Brother My Brother And Me, and I really hope that this is somebody’s. Griffin: I hope it’s Carly Rae Jepsen’s first one. She would be like, “fuck yeah, a podcast all about me! Awesome!” Justin: I wish CRJ, I wish. But instead what we do is we take questions from listeners and we put them… did she do any covers? Griffin: Uh… no. God, what? No, God! Justin: Just curious if she did covers. Griffin: No, she did emotion front to back and- Travis: But wouldn’t you like to hear her do Purple Rain? Griffin: No, I want to hear her do fucking EMOTION! Travis: Are you fucking telling me if CRJ walked out and was just like, “I'd like to do one that’s really close to my heart,” and sing fucking Purple Rain, you wouldn't lose your god damn mind? Griffin: It would be pretty cool. You know what else would make me like totally psyched, totally just crazy for this would be any other song off Emotion. Justin: Okay, two questions superquick: was there an opener? Griffin: Yeah, there were two. Hurr. Justin: Anybody good? Griffin: Prince. There was also Carly Spray Jepsen, who is the Earth Two version of Carly Rae Jepsen and sh- that was actually pretty horrifying because our mouths don't possess like the… Justin: Receptacles Griffin: …the sensors that are required to understand spray talk, and so when she just like fucking fully, fully, you know, Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award like blasted us with Gak, none of us knew how to accept that. Travis: Was it like a Gallagher show? Griffin: A lot of people left; it was a shame. Travis: Just like a Gallagher show! Griffin: Yeah, but they missed a good Carly Rae Jepsen concert. Justin: It seems like you had pretty good seats from the photos. Griffin: Yeah, well, stands. They were stands, not seats. Justin: They were stands? Griffin: We had seats, and we were like… and I said fuck this, and they let me exchange the ticket to be in the dance zone, and God I’m so glad they did. Justin: Where in the concert did she drop Call Me Maybe? Griffin: Close to the end. Justin: Was it? Did the place lose its mind? Griffin: Yeah everybody went crazy, but I'm mean she closed with I Really Really Really Really Really Really Like You, And I Want You, Do You Want Me. Hey gang? Hey gang, can I talk to you for a second? If you think for a second that even an ounce of this is ironic, put yourself in a toilet and flush it like in Harry Potter movies. It’s amazing. Travis: We are never ironic on this show. Griffin: Very rarely. Justin: We eschew it… we occasionally are, but I work really hard to eschew irony. Like, if we talk about Meet The Deedles it's because it’s a fucking dope movie that everybody should watch. Griffin: I do want to say- Travis: Sincere irony, that's what our brand is. Griffin: Yeah. Travis: Sincere irony. Griffin: I do want to say, since living in Austin, in like the entire five years I've lived here, I’ve run into maybe two people who are like, “hey I listen to the show,” and that's really, really neat. Last night at the Carly Rae Jepsen concert, I ran into maybe nine people who are like, “great job Griffin, you’re here for the big night,” and I love that all of this relationship building took place at CRJ. It was meant to be. Justin: Of course it did, because it’s better sampling of people. Griffin: Yeah. Justin: Better class of human. Travis: Can I tell you guys my favorite fan spotting moment I've had since we started the show? It happened very, very recently. When Bradberry was in town, he and I were walking into this wizard theme shop here in Los Angeles called Whimsic Alley (it's amazing), but I was talking to Bradberry and this group of people turned around were like, “Travis?” and I was like, “yeah?” and they’re like, “we’re big fans of My Brother My Brother Me,” and one of the guys looks at me and goes “Andrew Johnson?” and I thought he was introducing himself, but actually he was chastising me for not knowing who Andrew Johnson was, and to just really drive it home this was like the day after we put out the Andrew Johnson episode and I had already forgotten, and I just went, “oh yeah,” and he went like, “the episode?” I was like, “oh yeah, yeah. I've already forgotten who Andrew Johnson is again.” Griffin: Excellent. Travis: Like, I cannot hold Andrew Johnson. He's like the silence from Doctor Who; I can't hold Andrew Johnson in my mind. Griffin: We need to get into the advice, because we’re going a little… it's a little laborious. People get it, I love Carly Rae Jepsen, and the two of you- Travis: -were also there.
Question #1 (11:52) Edit
For years, I've always had the problem of people assuming I don't know a lot about common knowledge subjects or how to do basic tasks like cook or small home repairs. In fairness, it usually only comes from people who don't know me very well; still, i find these assumptions insulting and damaging to my confidence, and would like a subtle way of letting people know they're out of line.
Justin: Yeah, I Know How To Clean A Cast Iron Skillet is the name of that question-asker. Travis, how you do you deal with this? Travis: I'm a fairly capable human being! Griffin: I feel like if this is going to be leveraged against anybody I don’t think it would be Travis. Travis: We have had a running… Justin: No, I’m talking about people assuming. Travis: Oh. Justin: I actually saw a Twitter exchange last night- Travis: Yeah. Justin: -where somebody was like, “Travis wouldn't …” something about Travis doing construction, how badly it would turn out, and Travis talked about how he was a carpenter – a stage carpenter – for a long time, and he knows his way around a saw. H also said that if I touched a saw I would have a heart attack, which- Travis: No no no, I said if you touched a table saw you’d die. Justin: I don’t know why felt compelled to tear me down. Griffin: Yeah. Justin: I do my fair share of home improvement projects. But, uh, yeah… but I don't know, for some reason people assume Travis is less capable just because back in 2010 he thought that the weather he saw outside his window was the same with all over the planet. Travis: It's amazing how much shit like that sticks with you. Griffin: Boy, what a difference six years makes, right gang? Justin: Yeah. Travis: Well, I went back to school. Here what I’ve learned: Griffin: Kindergarten. Travis: I’m going to tell you the truth, question asker. Here's what you need to keep in mind: everybody on this planet knows so very little off the top of their head. The idea that people in this day and age know as much as we did before we had phones and computers to just tell us stuff whenever; people used to have to hold this shit in their head all the time, and memorize it and know it; so, when someone does have a piece of knowledge that they know off the top of their head, they're so proud to whip that out and tell you how to do the thing, that you just need to let them have that precious moment of, “I know how to clean a cast-iron skillet! I’m going to tell you how to do it!” You just have to sit there and let them feel special for a moment, and go on about your day. Like- Griffin: Fuck that! No way! Justin: You’re saying that he should just let them run wild on them with their trivia? Travis: Just for second, because everybody's got that thing that they know how to do that they're so proud that they know how to do it. Griffin: If they're using that knowledge to actively make you feel small for not knowing the thing, then fuck them. That's garbage. Travis: Well, it is in the delivery, because if they’re like helpful hint time, “Let me…” – like Mister Goodbody… you know, Mister Rogers – share a helpful tip with you, that's great. If they’re like, “Let me make you feel stupid because I know how to do this and you don't…” Have you seen those posts of like… it's a picture of a guy with a beard and it's like, “If you don't know how to change a tire, you should shave”? Fuck that shit. I hate that. But the idea of like, you know what? Most people don't know how to do most things. If you think about all the things that are to know how to do in the world, how many of them do you know? Justin: A very slight percentage, I think. Travis: Yeah, like three. Griffin: Rick Steves can’t- Rick Steves can’t change a tire. Actually, that’s not true – he travels a bunch. I bet he… Travis: I bet that fool knows how to do most things. Griffin: I bet he's road wise, but… Justin: I bet Rick Steez knows how to do pretty much anything. Griffin: Now, you you’ve called him Rick Steez, I can't help but notice. Justin: Yeah, that that’s when he’s blazed. Griffin: That’s his blaze name? Travis: Steezy Justin: His blaze name is Rick Steez. Griffin: What's your blaze name, Justin? Justin: Justin McElroy. I’m always blazed. Travis: ”Let me tell you my secret: I'm always blazed.” Griffin: There’s going to be there’s going to be a weird episode of MBMBaM in the future, where Justin is like, “Hi, my name is Derek, and I'm ready to get a lot of stuff done today. Are you are you ready, advice boys?” “What the fuck?” “No this is me!” Yeah. Justin: The part of this question that’s kind of tripping me up is that the person finds the assumptions insulting and damaging to their confidence. Listen, you are giving your power away, and it is completely unnecessary. People can only make you feel the way you let them make you feel. I think a big part of life and trying to maintain is deciding how much you're going to let people in with the way that they're treating you, and how much you’re going to let that affect your mood and your own view of yourself. I mean, if someone assumes you don't know how to do something, and you do know how to do it, that says more about them that it does about you. Don't let that take away your own confidence in yourself because it's, I mean… Griffin: Yeah, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else? Can I get an amen? J & T: Amen Griffin: Now, let the music play. Do you guys want to Yahoo? Justin: Sure Griffin: This Yahoo was sent in by Morgan David; thank you Morgan. It's by Yahoo Answers user Conley, who asks:
Jealous of other peoples boats? I don't have a boat or jet ski, but I do enjoy kayaking and paddleboarding. Whenever I go out to a lake with boats and jet skis, all that I can think about the whole time is how much I want one of those. People I know have them. It bothers me so much. I'm 15. How do I get over this? Does anybody else feel like this?
Griffin: That’s a lot of babysitting jobs… Travis: Okay, wait… wait, hold on. Griffin: …to get a bo-at. Travis: So that I can understand, uh… because question asker doesn't quite say what… are we to assume that they have a kayak, or they have some sort of non-motored boat? Griffin: I think it’s possible that they have- Justin: They have a super puff- they have a super puffy lifejacket. Travis: Okay. What we’re to picture is that they're out on a said lake in a non-motored boat, and a JetSki or motored boat goes flying past them and they’re like, “Man that's better.” Griffin: If I had a JetSki, I would make little punks like this eat wake twenty-four seven. Travis: Right? Justin: Yeah. Travis: And I get it because, when you're paddling a boat with your human arms and then you see a mechanical engineering marvel go flying past you… Justin: Yeah, it's like you are tapping into the deepest most primal human impulse like, “Uh, no more row! No more row!” Travis: ”Row bad!” Justin: ”Motorboat good!” Griffin: It could but it could also just be this fifteen-year-old has already made up their mind about the trajectory they want their life to take – which is to say ocean work. Their life, their love, their lady is the sea. They want to get out there and see what's up in the deep ocean, and they want to get started early. I’m fucking into that, man. Travis: No, listen, I get it, and I'm not saying that there is not a beautiful time to paddle a canoe down the river and you’re like, “I get it, this is me, this is nature,” but listen, jet skis are made for one thing one thing alone: fun. Also sweet tricks and probably ocean rescue, but mostly fun. Griffin: And surfer towing. Travis: And surfer towing, but mostly fun. And also maybe dolphin petting. That’s fun. Griffin: I would argue that also that sweet stunts are fun too. Travis: Yeah, I mean it all falls under… saving people from the ocean, petting dolphins, and sick tricks all fall under fun. Justin: And carving wake? Where’s carving wake fit in? Travis: That’s actually work yeah. Griffin: Yeah. Justin: That's a job, to carve wake in the ocean. Griffin: That because that's what makes the waves. Justin: So it looks sweet for astronauts. Griffin: ”Oh fuck yeah, thanks Jeremy!” Travis: But you know you're on your jetski and a rocket goes flying up past, you’re like, “Well now I want that.” Justin: ”Hell yeah look at that sweet wake he’s carving up! Oh shit, he drink Jerry Garcia! Fuck that's the dope, and thank you so much. God that’s awesome!” Griffin: ”Hold on guys, hold on,” and he writes down “Thanks Jeremy” on a piece of paper, and it’s just blasted out the airlock. “That’ll get to him.” Travis: As Jeremy slams his Capri Sun. Griffin: ”Great wake, Jeremy!” Justin: I want a kid captain – captain kid the kid Captain on sailing the ocean. I want… if this kid is going to be fifteen and going to own a boat, he needs to fully… I want a full blank check kind of deal where he’s wearing a love boat style captain’s hat. I want the jacket with the buttons on them, with anchors on the buttons, looking very cool. Travis: Traditional. Justin: Very traditional, very stern taskmaster, Captain Kidd the kid Captain, fifteen-year-old out there, uh, on… I want a big boat though. fifteen year old on a JetSki, I would think like, “You little punk,” but if I see a really- Griffin: A jetski is just like a motor bike for water. Travis: I love the what you're pitching is like a sequel to Little Big League, but it's like a kid inherits his grandpa’s pirate boat, and the crew is just like, “Well, we’re signed on for ten years, so I guess we’re stuck here.” Justin: Okay, I'm sorry, trademark trademark trademark. That’s a great idea! Griffin: Also he broke his arm, and it makes him really good at sailing. Travis: Uh huh. He’s the fastest sailor because of how quickly he can turn the wheel (which powers the boat). Griffin: He can yoink the anchor and run the jib so fast. Travis: So good. “Have you seen that kid jib?” Griffin: ”Funky butt loving, that’s a fast jib!” Travis: ”Did he just say, ‘funky butt loving that’s a fast jib’?” Griffin: Listen, time for another MBMBaM superlative (everybody’s favorite segment): which one of the three of us is most likely to own boat? And also for bonus credit, what would we name it? Travis: I think the answer is Justin. Justin: Correct. Griffin: Yeah, I think just because like… I think Huntington… you could probably house a boat a lot easier than you could in LA or Austin. Travis: And Justin also strikes me as the type of person who would see boat and be like, “Yeah!” and just get it. Justin: Yeah, I’ll take a boat. Travis: ”Yeah, boat, sure!” He’d go down to the local boat show at the Big Sandy Superstore Arena. Griffin: Could you just- Justin: I just don't know that I would… Here's my fear: I don't think I'd use the boat a lot. Travis: No Justin: I feel like I would have to spend a lot of money housing it. Travis: It would metaphorically collect dust in your front closet. Justin: I would not get out there very often. I feel like… I don't think it’ll be good investment; and I hear that from a lot of boat owners that like- Griffin: Or boners, as I call them. Justin: -there's an old saying that the two happiest days in your life are the days you buy your boat and the day your first child’s born, then after that you sell your boat. That’s also a pretty good day because you’re excited. Griffin: I thought you were going to say the day you buy your boat and then the day you either sell or crash your boat. Travis: The day you first make love to your boat. Justin: That I don't think is well-known enough for me to have turned into a joke. The joke is: the two happiest days of your life are the day you buy your boat and the day you sell your boat, which I thought that was a well-known enough that I could sort of twist it in my trademarked [unintelligible] Griffin: [unintelligible] a boat proverb that everybody… Justin: Yeah, a boat proverb that everybody knows, and it could be you uncultured fucks just don't know it, and this is my Night at the Museum where everybody will be like, “Oh yeah, everybody knows that saying. It’s a classic.” Travis: I want to be clear here: I did know that saying. Justin: Thank you, Travis. Travis: I did know it. Griffin: Well, you guys eat at Cracker Barrel more than I do, I guess. Travis: That's true, and I read a lot more New Yorker and Ziggy comics. Griffin: And you read a lot more of the novelty signs that they sell at Cracker Barrel. Travis: So many of them. Like, I would say obsessively. Like, sometimes I will be there for hours just reading the signs. Justin: Hey listen, two words for you guys: Jaden Smith. Travis: Uh, is that the name of your boat? Justin: A Kid Captain the captain kid Jaden Smith running his crew. How good would that be? Griffin: That would be very good. He's not such a child anymore, though. Travis: Yeah. Griffin: He’s kind of a big boy. He’s kind of- Travis: Jonathan Lipnicki. Griffin: Well he's also a bigger boy. He actually got- Travis: Haley Joel Osment Griffin: Absolutely. Can you read another question? Justin: Willow Smith. Travis: I'd rather have Willow, frankly. Justin: Uh, I am naming my boat Jaden Smith. Griffin: Absolutely, thank you. Travis: Captained by Willow Smith.
Question #3 (24:19) Edit
How do I ask my roommate, who I never, ever interact with, if I can get a cat? I don't want to get one without asking (that would be pretty rude), but when we're both home at the same time she goes and hangs in her room. The most we say to each other is "hello," and ask how our days were. I really don't know how to casually bring up the topic of a kitten in that small amount of time. Any advice on how I should approach the topic?
Justin: That’s from Gmail. Travis: So you have currently a creature that lives in your house that doesn't pay a lot of attention to you. Griffin: Yeah Travis: And like you walk in, they greet you and then go away; you already own a cat. Griffin: You own a human cat. Justin: Yeah, you have a cat. Travis: You have a roommate cat-human. Griffin: This could be a reverse Hocus Pocus situation. Justin: How do you mean? Griffin: You know how the human became a cat. Justin: Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Griffin: In Hocus Pocus the movie? I went and saw The Witch recently. I was told that it was it basically a spiritual sequel to Hocus Pocus. No, no. Justin: It was not? Griffin: No. Travis: Was it spookier? Griffin: No Najimy. Significantly spookier, I would say. Travis: Like, on a scale of Hocus Pocus to Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the spookiest thing I've ever seen) how spooky was it? Griffin: There's a part in Hocus Pocus where Kathy Najimy rides around on a vacuum cleaner – that's funny! Travis: That's funny! Justin: It's funny! That is funny, because it’s kind of a modern broom. I don't know a problem that you solve with a cat that you don't less depressingly solve by getting to know your roommate a little bit better. I just feel like- Travis: And we’re all three cat owners, let's be clear here. Griffin: Yeah. Justin: Yeah, I have two cats. They- Griffin: You have one and a half cats. Travis: Well no, because CJ's one and a half cat. Justin: Yes, CJ’s one and a half cat, and then I have a boarder who is a cat that has nothing to do with me or anybody. She is renting and what she pays in turds, I guess? She pays in turds. That’s currency. Anyway- Travis: Amelia’s the cat that no man has touched. Griffin: Nobody has ever touched that fucking cat. It’s the worst. Justin: I'm not saying this is going to work; I’m saying you should make a go of it first with your roommate before you buy the cat, because it works both ways. One: you form a bond, and you think, “You know what, I don’t really need a cat right now. I have a new sort of relationship that I'm trying to foster.” Or, you become close enough to them where you can say, “Listen, this isn’t working for me. I need to buy a cat.” Travis: Or third option: you get to use the phrase, “We should get cat.” Justin: ”We should get a cat together, and use it to help our friendship develop.” Travis: ”We need this!” Justin: ”We can combine our names, and smoosh them together in a portmanteau, and that'll be our cat that we share together.” Travis: You are absolutely correct though, that you should not get a cat without asking your roommate. Griffin: Well yeah, Travis! That’s basic- I think that’s illegal! Travis: You would be amazed, Griffin, how many people I know have told me stories about their roommate just bringing home animals and like, “We own a dog now,” or “We own a cat now,” and be like, “Well fuck,” like- Griffin: ”Shit Stephanie, I have bad news. I completely spaced, and I totally forgot to tell you about this, but we bought a zoo! Yeah we bought a zoo; you live in a zoo now. There’s lemurs and stuff. I think it’s going to bring me and my daughter together, because her mom you know kicked it, but anyway – lemurs, zebra, it's gonna be great Deborah. I mean Stephanie. Fuck.” Justin: I have a good way into this conversation, because I'm assuming that's the only thing this person’s asking for, since they obviously do have a way of getting in contact with their roommate. They’re not in the phantom zone. Like, they can reach them. Uh, I would say to them, “Hey uh, quick question: do you have any allergies?” and then they would answer and you would be like, “That's, uh, okay. Cool. Thank you, because I was thinking about getting some milk on the way home, and if you’re really allergic to milk then I didn't want to have it in the house if it’s gonna mess you up; the milk’s for a cat,” and then walk out. Griffin: Well, you went in a different way than I would've thought. It’s a little disappointing, because I was just about to comment on how disquietingly good you are at the back door conversation, but then you- Justin: Well, mine was a joke, but the initial thing is actually I think would be pretty good, because that makes you seem considerate like, “Oh you know, thank you for asking about that. That’s really nice,” but it's like you’re opening this conversation where you're asking for something by a considerate act, which is a really good entryway into an awkward conversation. Griffin: Okay, but what if… here, let's try that out. I will be the roommate, and Justin just throw that at me, okay? Justin: ”Hey I meant to ask you, do you have any allergies?” Griffin: ”Cats. I’m deathly allergic to cats. Oh god, bring a cat around me and I flood my attic, by which I mean I sneeze and get stuffy and stuff.” Justin: ”Can you… oh, no problem-“ Griffin: ”Seriously, one time I saw video of a cat on YouTube, and I went into anaphylactic shock, so…” Justin: ”Well we’re get… uh, good news: we’re getting a skunk,” that you buy a black cat, white stripe on the back, painted- Travis: Your roommate dies. Griffin: It’s fucking fool proof. Fool proof. Travis: What if you just left your front door open until cat wandered in, and then you just have to keep it? Justin: ”I can’t catch this darn thing!” Griffin: Yeah, fucking castle doctrine. Travis: ”I guess this is… he called sanctuary; this is our cat now.” Griffin: I am 90% sure that that is what castle doctrine is. Should we go to the money zone? Justin: Meow.
Money Zone (29:16) Edit
Travis: I want to talk about Trunk Club! Justin: Oh thank God. Travis: I just did it! Griffin: It's my elephant appreciation society! Travis: You’re dumb. I'm in the Trunk Club! I've been admitted, I went… Griffin: Congratz. Travis: I was sent a red letter with a golden triangle on the front, and inside it just said, “You’re in. Here's the shirt,” and now I belong to the Trunk Club. The power I wield is mind-boggling. Justin: What's the Trunk Club, Trav? Travis: Oh, I'm glad you asked. Um, Trunk Club is basically… you know how we have lots of questions about where people say like, “I don't know what to wear”? Imagine if you had a friend who knew what to wear and you could say, “Here's the kind of things I go to, here's the kind of clothes I like to wear, and I have no idea where to get them or how clothes work,” and then they came back to you and you’re like “Hey, here’s 1000 options that you’ll really like,” and you do in fact like all of them. Justin: The way it works, after you try on all the stuff in your box – in your trunk – then you keep the stuff that you want, and the rest of stuff, you put it right back in the box and ship it back to them. Like, no problem, no question asked. They only charge for the stuff you keep. Trav, did you get your trunk yet? Travis: Can I tell you, Justin? Here in Los Angeles there is a brick-and-mortar place that I went to, and like, one: they had a pool table and an open bar (it was the coolest shit); and two: brook said, “okay, what do you want? Okay, great,” and came back with this rack of stuff, and they were all club bangers, and I got a pair of jeans that’s the…. it's like the first time I've ever worn jeans. Griffin: How’s that butt look? Travis: It's so good! Like, it's how jeans are supposed to feel. Like, the best feeling denim, the best fit I've ever had… Griffin: Do you sleep in them? Travis: Griffin, could I tell you something? No, joke: I could. Griffin: No, no, but don’t, but don’t, but don’t… Travis: They’re so comfortable, Griffin! It's like I've always thought I was wearing jeans before, but then I take the pill, and I realize I've just been wearing barbed wire pants. I'm a big fan. Griffin: How can I get on board? Travis: You can go to trunkclub.com/mybrother and you'll get set up with your account and the recommendations and everything, but the personal stylist I was talking about, who is a real person that will really help you, it’s not an AI thing where you type in pants and it's just like, “Yes, pants here.” Like, it's a real-ass person that will help you. It’s not a subscription service; you only pay for the clothes that you want. No hidden charges, just great clothes. They’ll style you for free, plus free shipping both ways. You only pay for the clothes you keep. trunkclub.com/mybrother Justin: And listen, if you're on the fence about any items, just tweet us a picture- Griffin: No… why!? Justin: We’ll give you a thumbs up or thumbs down sort of let you know… Griffin: We are absolutely not… Travis: I am. Justin: I’d turn to us with these questions. Uh, Travis is now – he’s in the club. Travis: I know how pants are supposed to fit. Justin: I want to tell you all about Boll And Branch (it's BOLL And Branch). One important thing you can do to help ensure having good day – it's getting the right amount of sleep. The night before, I have been sleeping (recently) a lot better thanks to Boll And Branch sheets that I have been using obsessively. If it's time to wash these… usually I’ll like circulate, you know you wash one and then you put on the other one – the clean ones you have in the closet; I wash them and my bed just sits naked until the sheets are done, because that's all I want to sleep on. They’re some of the most comfortable sheets I've ever slept on, and they’re really nicely priced. You're paying for quality sheets, not department store overhead so you get really luxurious sheets, for a couple hundred bucks. Go online to boll (that’s BOLL) andbranch.com and they’ll let you try the risk-free for thirty nights. There's no way you're gonna want to send them back. If you go to bollandbranch.com today, you get 20% off your entire order for sheets, towels, duvet covers, blankets, everything, plus Griffin: Band-aids, bandages… Justin: No, they don’t have any of those things. Travis: Crossbows. Survival axes. Griffin: Fucking lasagna. Travis: Cats. Justin: You’re going to use the promo code mybrother (all one word). Go to bollandbranch (BOLL) andbranch.com today for 20% off your entire order – just use the promo code mybrother. Griffin: I want to apologize to Boll And Branch for laughing through a lot of that message. It’s not because I find the idea of high quality sheets and duvet cover sent your door particular funny – it’s because I read ahead to this next message. If you want to get a message on the show for friend or a small business go to maximumfun.org/jumbotron and we’ll get you set up, but this message is for Eric and it's from Big Daddy Hoffman, and the entirety of the message is, “What is dickshoulders.biz?” and I was laughing because I clicked through to it. Have you guys visited? Travis: Yes, I have. Justin: I'm visiting it. I'm there. This is the best website in the world. Griffin: Dickshoulders.biz is maybe the best website Justin: ”What is dickshoulders.biz?” That's the whole message for Eric, from Big Daddy Hoffman, and now you all have to live with this. I have a message- Travis: This message is for Sarah! Justin: Fuck you! Travis: From Tim! Justin: Fuck you double! Travis: Dear Sarah, happy anniversary! The last two years have been amazing, and I feel closer to you and love you more than ever! I'm incredibly excited to spend the rest of my life with you! Love, Tim! P.S. I know our anniversary is October 5th, which was exactly why I had our brothers read this on February 22nd! Justin: Could not have fucked it up worse! We couldn’t have fucked it up worse. Griffin: Oofah, doofah, yeah! This is another one of those wonderful messages that almost like the equinox. Like, it almost split the uprights between the dates across two different years! Justin: Yeah. Travis: Do you think every episode Tim was tuning in and going “Honey, just listen, I think you’ll… oh-! Nope! Oh! Fuck! Nope! Nevermind!” Justin: ”Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!” Then he got enough months away where he was like, “Oh… I hope it’s not now. It couldn’t be worse than this!” Travis: ”Now it’ll just be weird!” Justin: But hey, happy anniversary you two. Griffin: Hey, it’s time for a Yahoo! Justin: I don’t… Okay, fine. Ugh. Everybody’s doing Yahoo’s now. It doesn't feel as special to me anymore. Griffin: Yeah, but their Yahoo’s are like, “I put pasketti up my butt, and I'm a penguin! Doo bop boo boo!” Like, fakey fake bullshit. I'm not into that; I’m into the real shit – real shit slung to us by heroes like level 9000 Yadrew Drewydd Drew Davenport (thank you Drew). Travis: #realshit Griffin: #realshit It's by Jamie, who asks: Travis: ”I put pasketti up my butt!” Griffin: Yeah, that’s what it said.
Is mark hammill going to be able to do light sabre fights in the next 2 movies of the starwars?
i have just reallised and looked on wikipeadia he is 64 years old and in the force awakens he was not seen till the end for the last scene plus i am thinking he will fight like an old man like obi wan kenobi in episode 4 a new hope
Griffin: Is Mark Hamill going to be too old to do the fights?! Travis: No. Justin: Okay, first things first: Mark Hamill is sixty-four years old? That dude looks fucking great. Griffin: Yeah, he looks really good. Justin: He looks really good. Griffin: But does he look good enough- Justin: That beard is working for him. Griffin: But can he flip and shit? Travis: They did it with Yoda, and he was like- Justin: They did it with Yoda! Travis: -875. Griffin: Oh, we’re going to have- Justin: They did it with Yoda! Griffin: we’re going to have a CGI Mark Hamill. Travis: Oh my fuck, how awesome would that… or just put him in a mech suit. Is that a thing that happens in Star Wars? Justin: I feel kinda bad for Mark Hamill, when he found out that is like, “Oh, we’re doing this again. Going to get back in it,” because I bet Mark Hamill was like… if that is coming up, you know that you have to start getting carved. Like, you have to start getting fit again. Travis: Ohhh, how baller would that be! Start of episode eight, he just pulls back his robe and he’s fucking ripped! Justin: Chisled! Griffin: Yeah, he's as jacked as Mark Hamill was in the original trilogy, is what you’re saying. Travis: No, more than so! And it’s just like, “We haven't seen Luke in twenty years,” and it’s just because he’s been getting diesel! Griffin: No, I'm making a joke at your two expense, because I don't think there's a part in the original Star Wars where he ripped off his shirt and he had a glistening thirteen pack. Travis: Not in the original edit. Griffin: In the fucking George Lucas wacky CGI special edition, it was like, “Oh my God, fucking wet body…” Justin: I’m going to… we take you live to Dagobah where I just found this image of Luke carrying Yoda on his back, and I gotta say boys those fishlifters are looking mighty tempting from where I’m sitting. Griffin: Yeah, all right, that’s fair, that’s fair, that’s fair. Travis: DEEZ! Justin: Deez! Griffin: But is he a crisper… Justin: Rick Deez! Travis: Lookin’ Rick DEEZ! Justin: Rick Steves weed name can’t be Rick Deez. That’s taken. Travis: You know what this picture just make me realize? There was somebody whose face was right at Mark Hamill butt, with their hand up Yoda. Justin: Oh my god, you’re right! You’re right! Griffin: Which one’s- Justin: Yoda is on his back [unintelligible] his hand basically up Mark Hamill’s ass, yeah. Oh, that’s very unpleasant! That’s hugely unpleasant. Griffin: Let's just call it like it is: that fight with… was it Sir Alec Guinness? as Obi-Wan Kenobi in Episode Four is bullshit. It is two old men just touching their dicks together basically. It is the worst, most boring fight ever, and that's why I was so psyched in the new trilogy, when they got crazy with the flips and stuff. They had the horn headed man that had the two light sabers, and it got crazy up in there with the flips and stuff, and that's what I want. I don't want two old men having a cane fight! I want to see some fucking action- dynamic action! Some Inigo Montoya shit! Travis: But- Justin: You don’t want to see Grumpy Old Men, in space! Griffin: Right! Travis: But here's the thing in this day and age, famous person- Justin: I would actually watch that. Travis: Yeah, that would be great. Justin: I just need to say real quick: I know that is unlikely considering, but if we could get Walt and Jack back for Grumpy Old Men In Space. Travis: CGI. Justin: Just CGI. Griffin: Just thinking about all the factors… Travis: It’s just difficult. Justin: It’d be a big get. I mean, it’d be a big get, but I would just really like to see that film. If we could see that film… Travis: Everyone I think in this day and age knows that a celebrity sixty-four is like normal person thirty. Like, I just saw Deadpool, right? Ryan Reynolds: totally ripped. Griffin: Seventy-one years old. Travis: Think about the fact that he looks exactly the same as he did in Two Guys A Girl And A Pizza Place, and that was fucking like forty-five years ago! Griffin: Yeah. Travis: And he still looks that… he has not aged a moment, and it's like, okay, Mark Hamill might be sixty-four but I bet he still looks better than me, thirty-two-year-old Travis McElroy. Griffin: Two Guys A Girl And A Pizza Place was pre-9/11, and that motherfucker looks the same. Travis: He looks exactly the fucking same. Rob Lowe actually has aged backwards. Rob Lowe is Dorian Gray’ing all over the place. Justin: Will Smith looks great. Travis: Will Smith looks great. This is what I'm saying. Justin: Yeah, Will Smith, his face is like a reverse… cutting a tree in half to count its rings. You cannot tell the age of anything by Will Smith’s face. Like… Travis: Try cutting it in half. You can’t! Justin: Try cutting his face in half and counting the rings. There’s no rings.
Question #5 (41:45) Edit
Recently I've been invited to two "passion parties" (if you're unaware, this is a thing where women gather around and examine paraphernalia of the sexual variety)
Griffin: It’s where they watch… Travis: Wait, no no! Not secular! Griffin: It’s where they watch Tyler Perry's The Passion TV special.
…by my female-identifying family members and coworkers, and it was just as awkward as I had envisioned it.
Justin: Oh, you went? Griffin: I don’t think… Justin: You said you had been invited, but then you went! That's a whole ‘nother kettle of fish. That’s a horse of a different color!
My question for you is this: despite the popularity of such events, these rituals normal for relatives to be participating in. [Justin interrupts himself: “No.”] Personally I consider myself a fairly well-adjusted individual that has no issue having these conversation with my close friends, yet I'm immensely uncomfortable discussing my intimate life with my family in particular, and due to my research into this I'm a bit concern that I'm the weird one.
Justin: And that's from Much Love Moby. Griffin: Stand in your truth, stand in your bliss. Chase your bliss. Whatever feels right, you know, go for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with these parties, and… the family thing weirds me out a little bit? Like, not the friend thing – like, going to one of these parties is like, whatever, it could be a real hootenanny. I don’t really understand the… I think the point of it is the awkwardness, right? Because it’s not like you're can be doing some peer-reviewed research on different Bilbos. Like, I think you can get on Extreme Restraints and just look at the critical consensus on the Bilbos and their special features. I don't know how much info gathering is happening at these parties, but then I think about if I was in a room with my two brothers were examining Bilbos, and God forbid my dad was there… Travis: Oh no. Griffin: …and we’re scoping some ‘bos, then I would probably be hugely bummed out by that. Travis: But like, if someone were to invite me I would be like, “Oh man, that sounds super fun if that's your thing!” It's like, if someone invited me to any event that I don't particularly enjoy I wouldn't go to it, you know? If somebody was like, “come watch like soccer,” I’d be like, “No thanks!” Justin: We try on this show to… and it’s something that we weren’t great at when we started, and I think we’ve all copped to that. Griffin: One might say that we were fucking terrible at it! Travis: Yeah! Justin: We were fucking terrible at it. We try this show to be as open-minded and openhearted as possible, and we work really, really hard at it, but there is it there's a part of that where at some point you do run into a wall within yourself where you say like, “Okay, this is my personal limit,” and that's not a failing, but if someone says to me, “Justin, do you want to go look at plastic dicks with your aunt Dana?” the answer is no I don't. I don't want to do that. Travis: I don't like spicy food and I don't like looking at plastic dicks with my aunt Dana. Those are two things I just know about myself. Griffin: Aunt Patty, that might be a hoot, but I still am going to politely decline. Travis: ”No, I don't want to look at plastic dicks with you, especially not if there's going to be spicy food.” Justin: Please let me know sort of canapés you’re planning on. Travis: There’s two things I know I don't like! Flavorful spicy, that's fine, but just heat for heat’s sake, and also plastic dicks! Griffin: And big metal cocks, yeah that's fine too. Travis: Definitely! I don’t mind that; I have a problem with plastic because it’s bad for the environment! Do you know how long it takes for a plastic dick to break down if you bury it in a landfill or something? You can’t recycle plastic dicks for anything, but big metal dicks? You can turn that into a park bench, you can turn that into (I think) shopping bags! I haven't read the literature, but I know that it’s a thing you could do, and also please don't make the food too spicy! Justin: How long it takes for a plastic dick to break down if you bury it in an anus, because, listen: I'm in a pretty bad way over here, and if you can give me some sort of timeline…? Griffin: But a metal dick! A big metal hog, you can take like a hundred of those and make the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones except crazier and way more hilarious. Travis: That sounds awesome! Griffin: I want that. Justin: That sounds awesome. Griffin: What if I… do you guys think if I started recording the podcast in the guy-ron throne, which is what I call it- Travis: Not the iron bone. Griffin: Fuck… the guy-ron bone… no, we’re getting too silly. Travis: That’s too much. Griffin: Would you be able to tell the difference, just sort of in my demeanor and my attitude Travis: Yes. I think that you would naturally take on a certain gravitas that you don't get in just like an office chair. Griffin: Okay, Justin’s just linked another image. I'm assuming it exists, and it does, and wow this is really good Justin. Travis: Well, hold on. Justin: What’s up? Griffin: What we're looking at here is- Travis: It’s the crown! Griffin: -is the exact thing that I've described, sitting on it sort of lazily… Travis: Yeah. As if to say, “Kill him…” Griffin: …is a giant hog. Anyway, thanks for that Justin. Justin: We’ve got to get a visual component on this show. We’ve got to have some sort of- Travis: Now imagine instead of the Yoda on Luke’s back, it’s a dick! Griffin: Listen, we haven’t been close-minded in this right? Like, I think- Travis: No! Griffin: I think shit like this could be really empowering and fun… Travis: But what I'm saying is you shouldn't feel obligated to go because you don't want to seem close-minded for not wanting to go. Griffin: This idea that you're the weird one because you don't feel comfortable doing it, like, that's like the worst possible thing do. Like… Justin: You're actually, in a broader sense (and I know that you're… you know, I can tell from your question that your try really hard to be sort of progressive and open-minded sexually and I'm really into that) but the biggest part of that from where I sit is the lack of judgment, and when you say like, “Am I the weird one,” you're judging yourself because you just have a preference, you have a limit, you have a thing that you don't want. That is 100% within your right, and by saying that you're weird, you’re putting the judgment on yourself. If you’re not going to apply it to other people, you shouldn’t apply to you either; it's just not your thing. Travis: That’s the thing: you gotta know yourself, know what you're into, know what your deal is, and then follow that. Justin: Yup, that’s where I’m at. I feel like this has been a weirdly… do you guys feel like this has been an unusually help… I think we really got to help some people. Griffin: Well, let's take five minutes just as a palate cleanser and knock out this Yahoo real quick. Justin: Hell yeah. Griffin: It was sent in by (game recognize game) Rachel Rosing. Thank you Rachel. It’s by Yahoo Answers user Camille, who asks:
Any good nicknames to call drumming?
Hey, [brothers respond, “hey”] I need help finding something cool (& preferably original) to call drumming for my bio's!
For ex. [brothers repeatedly ask, “what?”]
Skin Pounder, Tub Banger, Stick Thrower/Crosser.
Ya feel? [Travis adds, “all of those could be names of dildos”] Anything helps so just leave anything you've been called, heard, or made up please! Thank you!!!
Travis: So we’re supposed to believe that we exist in a world in which just saying drumming isn't cool? Griffin: Right, you need something sexy, like they call guitar players shredders or- Justin: Okay, okay. Griffin: -or master splinters. They call bassists “strang slappers”, and then they call singers “throat notes.” Travis: What if you are just like “beat punisher.” Griffin: That sounds a little extreme for me because what if they're just sort of a pop rock sort of outfit. Travis: Nice. Uh, “cymbal tickler”. Griffin: That’s not bad. Justin: That's pretty good. I like that. Griffin: But I feel like pianists have tickler on lock. Like, nobody else can be a tickler; they are the ticklers. Travis: ”Master of beats.” Justin: Okay. Griffin: That’s a little wordy. Travis: I tend to lean towards the grandiose because I believe (and I know that my musical feelings are strong and some people don't feel this strong) that the drummer is the heartbeat of the band. I know. Justin: I feel like the drummer sets the time for the rest… Travis: Yeah, and I feel like that's important. I don't know much about music, but the little bit I do know I feel very strongly about. Justin: I am Spartacus. I led you here. Spartacus is the name of my favorite drummer from the film That Thing You Do. What about “bop bop boys”? Travis: One more time? Justin: What about “bop bop boys”? Travis: I like it. Griffin: Can we just call them… Justin: And if you’re woman playing, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… “gong girls.” Travis: I like that too! Except it sounds a little bit like Gone Girl. Griffin: Yeah, a lot, a lot. Justin: Yeah, that’s like a fucking great pun that I cooked up. Travis: But that’s a terrifying thing that you wouldn’t want to be. Griffin: It’s not a good thing. Yeah, you wouldn’t… Justin: I'm looking forward to you identifying other puns as they come up. Travis: But… Griffin: Can we… Travis: But what I'm saying is I don't know that anyone wants to be identified as a Gone Girl. Justin: ”Tap lads!” Griffin: ”Tap lads” is good too! Travis: ”Beat machines!” No, “drum machines!” Griffin: No, fucking stop. No, fucking stop and think about it. Justin: Please think! A drum machine is a thing! Travis: Oh… well, here’s the thing Griffin, you can think all you want to but the one thing I know my music is it’s not about thinking, it’s about feeling, damn it! Especially the drums, which is all about… have you fucking seen Whiplash!? It’s not about thinking, you should just be a “whiplash!” How about we’re all just whiplashes from now on? Justin: What about “Conga kings?” Griffin: Justin’s the best at this. Travis: What about “Cuban beat?” Griffin: That’s not a… Travis, let's just take a backseat and just let Justin… Travis: Okay… Justin: What about “bongo bears?” Travis: Pretty good. Give me three more. Justin: Okay, “djembe Jim.” Griffin: Okay, nope, stop. Do you have a Wikipedia open called different drums? Justin: No, just thinking about… Griffin: The different drums that there are. Justin: ”Bucket boys.” Griffin: ”Snare bears!” Ooh, back in the game, on the scoreboard! Travis: ”Bass bass?” Like a fish? Justin: Like a fish playing drums!? Travis: It’s great because it also works as “bass bass.” What about “cymbal tickler?” Justin: You said that! Travis: What? Griffin: What about “djembe Jim?” Travis: I like that, Griffin! Justin: Okay, I’m having an episode. Griffin: How about “rhythm Robbie?” Travis: Well, that’s specific. Griffin: I think we’re naming musical garbage pail kids, for the most part. Can we call it “blue-manning?” Can we call the act of hitting one thing with another thing. You can be shaping a sword with a hammer, and you would call that “blue-manning.” Justin: Stomp without the trash cans. Griffin: Or stomp with the trash cans, that would also fit. Justin: That's not drumming, that’s just noise. What are they doing over there? Stomp… Griffin: Sure am glad someone’s taking them to task. Justin: Yeah, what’s up stomp? Come at me. Travis: What about drum haters? Griffin: …what we call people hate who drummers? Travis: No no no, because if you think about what you're really doing as the drummer is just hitting drums. Griffin: Drum fighters! Travis: Drum fighters! Griffin: ”What do you play for Coldplay?” “Well, I’m the drum fighter.” “What do you mean?” “Well the drum, if you don't keep it beaten back, will just attack and kill Chris Martin, so I have to constantly keep it in its place.” Justin: I think as the drummer, it's the hardest instrument to convince people that they need to be careful when they're carrying your stuff… Travis: Yeah. Justin: Because if they drop it, you’re like, “hey hey hey hey hey!” and they say, “I mean, you’re just going to hit it later, right? You’re just going to hit it with sticks later. I don't see how I'm going to be in any worse… you know, I don’t see how that’s any worse…” Griffin: ”Technically, by dropping that snare down that flight of stairs, I played the drums.” Justin: ”I guess I'm drumming now. I guess I’m a drummer now.” Griffin: ”I guess I’m the djembe Jim. Now who’s the skin pounder, is what I want to know.”
Housekeeping (54:44) Edit
Justin: That’s going to do it for us. Folks, thank you so much for listening to our program. We hope you have a lot of fun. Superquick stuff: McElroyShows, you can find a bunch for our shows there. I want to try to keep these shorter. Griffin: Yeah, real fast. Rose Buddies is a new show I do with my wife about the bachelor. I got a video game podcast called Cool Games Inc. Travis: I just started one called Interrobang With Travis And Tybee, where me and my friend Tybee go on rants that take us through winding conversations. I do one called Shmanners with my wife where we talk about etiquette. We just moved Trends Like These over the Max Fun, so that's very exciting. Justin: I do a show called Sawbones with my wife. It’s a medical history show. If you haven’t listened to it, our most recent episode was about heartburn- Travis: It’s so good. Justin: -and like why you get heartburn and how we’ve tried treat it. It was very informative, I thought. You can find that on iTunes or McElroyShows.com They're all there. Griffin: I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters for the use of our theme song It's A Departure off the album Putting The Days To Bed. You can find it on iTunes, you can find it on Amazon, you can find it anywhere where music is sold. It's very, very good. It’s a terrific, terrific album, and John’s a good guy. Travis: We also want to say thank you to maximumfun.org for hosting our show as well as a ton of other shows, a lot of them ours. Coming up we’ve got the Max Fun Drive, so look out for that, and go check out all the other amazing maximumfun.org shows. Justin: Folks, that’s going to do it for us. Thank you so much for listening to our program. We hope you had fun, and we hope you have a very safe and happy rest your week. Griffin, do you have a Final Yahoo for us to think about? Griffin: I sure do. This one was sent in by Brooks Oglesby, thank you Brooks. It’s by Yahoo Answers user… something's gone wrong, call them Dave. Dave asks:
Did the moon exist in the 90s. i hate the moon?
Justin: My name is Justin McElroy. Travis: I’m Travis McElroy. Griffin: I’m Griffin McElroy. Justin: This has been My Brother My Brother and Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.
References & Links Edit
- ↑ Actually, the drummer’s name was Guy Patterson, played by Thomas Everett Scott.