Transcript Edit

Introduction Edit

Justin: Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, an advice show for the "modern" era. I’m your oldest brother Justin McElroy.
Travis: I’m your middlest brother Travis McElroy.
Griffin: I’m your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy. [Imitation of a horse whinny] You know what that alarm sound means on my phone, it’s—
Travis: Pony Time!
Griffin: It’s Pony Time, everybody! Welcome to the Pony Time segment of My Brother, My Brother, and Me! This is the first time that we’ve properly called it that, although… If you think about it, we’ve done Pony Time maybe 700 times in the--
Travis: (That’s correct.)
Griffin: (--three hundred) and three episodes we’ve done this show. Pony Time’s a special time of year where we talk about all the exciting horse races, and the winners, and just like what’s new, what’s happening in the whole pony industry. Obviously the Kenducky Der—the Kenducky Derby, which is what I call it, it’s like a fun little pet name for it—has happened, and then of course the Preakness wrapped up last week, and then (I think the Chur--)
Travis: (I like to call it) The Freakness.
Griffin: Okay. (And then the Ch--)
Travis: (‘Cause I’m a real)—I’m really excited about it, I get really freaked out.
Griffin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then of course it’s, I think, the Churchill Downs—I said "of course" but I don’t actually know—I think the Churchill Downs are today. There’s no part of the Pony Time segment where I fact check stuff.
Travis: Uh-huh.
Griffin: And maybe we’ll organically get to that point. Let’s talk about the horses and like, what’s goin’ on. Like Nyquist? Very very exciting. I’m looking at the Kenduck—Kentuck—Ken—there I go again!
Justin: Kenfucky Derby.
Griffin: The Kenfucky Derby results here, looks like Nyquist pulled off a commanding win. One and one quarters lengths ahead of Exaggerator, who I think we can all agree is a piece (of shit.)
Travis: (Ooo!) Yeah, he’s—fuck it, Exagger—Uh—Nyquist sounds like it should be a sleepy horse.
Griffin: Because it sounds like Nyquil?
Travis: Yeah!
Griffin: That’s actually a very very fast horse, is the thing, very awake and fast.
Travis: No, I mean, I—maybe it’s an ironic thing, like when you call a big guy "tiny".
Justin: I’ve noticed fast horses are getting so popular in these races now.
Travis: Yeah!
Justin: It definitely seems to be the trend.
Travis: Back in my day, everyone used to just have slow ar-ti-sanal horses.
Justin: Yeah.
Griffin: Looks like, and of course, following them close behind, four and a half horse lengths behind—by the way, that’s a wonderful measurement, can I use that for other things? I just bought a new mattress, I wish I’d thought to be like, "I’m looking for one that’s like three-quarters horse length."
Justin: It’s kind of fun if you think about the fact that like, those people also know about feet.
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: Like, they all know about it.
Griffin: They know what (they are.)
Travis: (It’s) definitely some like, cubit shit, right, where it’s just like, "Oh, it’s the length of my arm!" Like, well what—what about his arm? "Oh, it’s the length of his arm too." Oh, okay.
Griffin: Some disappointing finishes in The Kenfucky Derby, like Gun Runner, Mohaymen, Suddenbreakingnews, Brody’s Cause… Brody’s Cause is-- [Travis laughs]
Justin: [Laughing, Stammering] P—P—P—Probably the best horse I’ve ever heard.
Travis: Brody’s cause is, uh, more woven necklaces for everyone.
Griffin: There’s Danzing Candy—Not Dancing Candy, Oscar Nominated, Majesto… Majesto’s probably—
Travis: O ho ho!
Justin: Sounds like the one that we made up. Like if there’s one that we…
Griffin: Well, no, if we were to make one up it would be like, "Mama’s Exquisite Soup Recipe".
Travis: (That’s true.)
Griffin: (That would be my horse.)
Travis: (Majesto sounds like) the horse couldn’t decide between being a racer and being a magician.
Griffin: Let me just hop over to the Preakness results, see if Nyquist is still on that Triple Crown run, and no, that 'piece of shit Exaggerator snuck in like a thief in the night. Took it away. Nyquist got beat by a horse named Cherry Wine, too, Nyquist finished third, Cherry Wine came in second—Cherry Wine didn’t even fuckin’ fight! Uh, not fight, race. Well, that’s kind of a fight—didn’t even fight in the Kenfucky Derby. And at that point it’s like, why’re you—why’re—wh, [exasperated sigh], if you’re not—if you’re not—if—if you’re not even gonna go for the Triple Cwown—Crown, why the fuck are you here? "I got the single crown!" Go the fuck ho— "I won a race and I kept the horse from gettin’ the Triple Crown!" Good job! You’re a fuckin’ troll at this point, like let him—let him approach glory! [Justin laughs]
Travis: (Wait, Griffin, in your) opinion, what’s better: a Triple Crown earned, or a Triple Crown given?
Griffin: Both are better than a Triple Crown stolen, which is what Cherry Wine did—and it’s technically what Exaggerator did. Exaggerator, you lost the first race, dogg, it’s time to fucking get out of the race, because you’re not gonna (win the Triple Crown.)
Justin: (Are you suggesting) that if—any horse that wins, like—if a horse wins the first one, any horse that beats that horse after that is just like—
Griffin: A usurper to the third crown.
Travis: Being a real dick.
Griffin: (To the three crowns.)
Justin: (Bein’ a real dick? You’re) a crown blocker?
Griffin: Some disappointing finishes in the Preakness, I’d like to go down, like Uncle Lino, Fellowship, Awesome Speed--
Travis: Oh, that’s—that’s painful, isn’t it, to name a horse Awesome Speed and have it not finish. In the top, what, like three?
Griffin: Fuckin' dude finished ninth.
Travis: (Eugh…)
Griffin: (It’s okay speed—)I’m actually—we’ve revised the horse’s name in light of recent events.
Travis: Now it’s just called Disappointment.
Griffin: I do wanna talk about the—there were two very disappointing finishes in the Preakness, and those were the two horses that were destroyed, uh… Because they die—they died, during the Preakness. There were (two horses that were dest—)
Travis: (At least one of them) destroyed itself, right?
Griffin: Both were destroyed, and I don't wanna joke about it too much because it's very very very sad… Again that verb is not—it's—the verb is, joyous—
Justin: Yeah.
Griffin: But (the act—)
Justin: (It's triumphant, I would say.)
Griffin: (It's a triumphic—yeah.) But like, the thing it describes is very very sad, but [tongue click] that's kind of a weird— [series of disappointed sighs and lip smacks] [Justin giggles] Kind of a weird ending to a sports event. [Justin laughs] (Like, how was the) Bronco's game? "Well, they lost, and Peyton Manning died." [Travis laughs]
Justin: [Laughing] In it, during it.
Griffin: How was it? "Oh, it was okay, Tony Romo? He fucking died."
Travis: He threw so hard that his body ripped in half.
Griffin: He threw so hard? His heart just stopped and he died right, like, literally right there on the fifty—and then his team fuckin' lost, couldn't even win one for the Romo. He died.
Justin: I know that they pay really close attention to like, the genetics of a horse before they breed 'em.
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: Do you think that question comes up? Like "Di—So—"
Griffin: "What’re the—"
Justin: "So will it be fast?" Yeah.
Griffin: Yeah (yeah yeah yeah.)
Justin: (Very), very fast.
Travis: (So fast.)
Justin: (Will it be like a) beautiful chestnut brown color?
Griffin: Oh fuck (yeah, dude, don’t worry ‘bout it.)
Travis: (Oh yeah, oh yeah, definitely), def def def def.
Justin: Definitely. Is there any chance of it just racing really, like—you know how it's gonna run really fast? Um… Any chance of it dying because of the speed at which it runs?
Travis: I bet that the answer to that question is always this: "Weeeeeell--" [Justin and Griffin echo "Weeeeeell…"] ("There's always a) chance, I mean God could always take it, you know what I mean?"
Justin: That’s what it is, God-- [Griffin laughs] (God wants it. The horses ran) too fast and beautiful and God's like, "Not on the ground anymore, time to race amongst the clouds."
Travis: "You're pulling my chariot now."
Justin: Yeah.
Griffin: Now, the saddest part is, one of the horses that died, broke it's leg, very very sad, was destroyed—it was Pramedya. Four year old filly, died on the track, very very sad. The other one—and this is even sadder—just died after winning a race, after winning a race, just like trottin' on back to the stall, died, just instantly standing up, that horse’s name was Homeboykris.
Justin: ([Laughing] Oh no!)
Griffin: (Can we fucking please), like… That’s--
Justin: Can we not spare the ones with the most beautiful names? Is that not…? (Come on.)
Travis: (I also)—I just wanna say, it is a tragedy that Homeboykris fell in the line of duty.
Griffin: It’s sad when any—
Travis: (But Homeboykris--)
Griffin: (It’s sad when) any horse dies.
Travis: Yes. But Homeboykris did win, which adds a little bit of an epic spin to—you win your race and then, back in your stall, you know, you close your—there's a little bit of like, beauty to that.
Justin: Like, John Henry, kind of—
Griffin: Yeah.
Travis: Yeah, (right?!)
Justin: (Beat the…) steam engine and then, yeah.
Griffin: I've seen a lot of controversy, there's been a lot of-I've been following all the horse-bloids, and, been a lot of controversy that the Pimlico Race course, where the Preakness is hosted, had a muddy track situation. That might be why Nyquist didn't perform as well as everybody was expecting. But it also might be why two of the athletes die-d. How have you done-tell me 'bout the choices you made while making the turf. They were apparently pretty bad choices, 'cause two of the athletes died.
Travis: I also read at one point that the problem might be that the horse—at least one of them—already had a bunch of injuries, and they just drugged it up real good so it could race good. Like, who's in charge of this shit?
Justin: (Yeah, whose task is this?)
Travis: (Is there not somebody who’s going), "Wait, what did you do? Oh hol—hold on, yeah, no—wai—what did you do? Get the fuck out!"
Justin: What’s the other horse besides Homeboykris?

Question #1 (13:14) Edit

Tonight my boyfriend took me out for dinner at The OG after a long day at work." Ugh, always gonna sound good. "It was lovely, until a waitress hung out while we were trying to eat to tell us her life story." What? "I went from acknowledging response, to one-word answers, to a laugh, a ‘hmm’, finally just nodding my head and hoping that each time she walked away it would be the last. She would finish a sentence, walk two steps, and step back to say more." Oh my god. "We gasped about being late for a movie, paid, and booked it out of there only to eat leftovers in the parking lot. How can we avoid this situation/what do I do to make it in/am I doomed to live an OG-less life? Please help. -- Ravenous Rebecca

Griffin: There’s a lot of variables here. I don’t know if you were actually late for a movie or if you were just like…
Justin: Sounds like a scam. (Sounds like you’re runnin’ the ol’ scam-a-roo.)
Griffin: (Yeah, sounds like you’re just droppin’ a line on ‘em.) I don't think that this is, [sighs]… I don't think that this is necessarily so bad of a thing for a person to do? Like talk to you and make a—we get so many questions coming from the other end, of like—well, we get less of them now ‘cause I think we’ve made our stance pretty clear—of like, "I wanna know more about this person working in a service industry so how can I, like, talk to them? How can I become friends?" or "How can I date this person who I know who works in a service industry?" It’s rare that we get it comin’ the other way where [giggles] it’s like, "This person in this service industry’s comin’ on a little strong." But like, I don’t necessarily think that—I know you came there to eat, and you probably wanna like, (eat and hang out--)
Travis: (That’s the problem,) Griffin, that’s the problem, is there’s three periods to a meal at a restaurant: before your food, during your food, and after your food, and before and after, they can talk to me all they want. But once the food is there and I’m supposed to actively be engaging my talking hole with food, don’t talk to me.
Justin: This is absolutely untenable. Like, I’m sorry, there’s no—okay, I have a daughter, she’ll be two in August. If I am at dinner with my wife it is through some Herculean-- [Travis Laughs] --schedule arranging, like Jedi mind shit, where I’ve tricked somebody into caring for my child, and I’ve tricked my wife into thinking that it’s okay for her to leave our child, and like, it has been, quite a day, let me tell you, and if you decide that in this brief ninety-minutes that I get to actually speak with my wife that you would just like to pull up a chair, and--
Travis: Do a little dinner theater.
Justin: Yeah, do a little fuckin’ masquerade to go along with my breadsticks, (I’m not interested.)
Travis: ("And for the rest of the) meal, I shall be Samuel Clemens! Enjoy!"
Justin: "Doing my one-man show: How’s the zeppole?" [Travis giggles]
Griffin: I don’t think if a person puts themselves out there in the way that it sounds like this waitress put themselves out there, I don’t think it’s cool to like, take steps to shut that down necessarily, but I totally understand what you guys are saying. The happiest moment in anyone’s life is not their wedding or their—the birth of their first child, or whatever, it’s when you see that tray of food comin’. Oh, and then you count the plates, and you count the number of people (at the table--)
Justin: ("Is that one mine?) It’s gotta be mine.
Griffin: --and you say "These numbers are the same! The number of plates equals the number of people! I’ve cracked the code and here it comes! I’ve cracked the pasketti code!" And then the pasketti gets there and you eat it all up and it makes you so happy.
Justin: Yeah, it’s good to order things with visual signifiers, like if there’s a menu item that has a large flag in it, I’ll always get that ‘cause then I know it’s coming.
Griffin: So I understand, I do, I think it's—yeah, it's a tricky situation.
Travis: The problem is is that it's never okay to be like, "And our interaction is done now, please go away waitress." Like (there is no way--)
Griffin: (Yeah, that's) what ding-dong ass… men, people do.
Justin: Yeah, but like—
Griffin: The pasketti, no, the point's a great point Justin.
Justin: There's no—You're a food prisoner.
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: Like, it's not like you can say, "Listen, this has been so fun but from now on, I'm just gonna get my own refills. Is there a key or something to the soda machine that I need? Okay, thanks, alright, I'm just gonna do my own thing." 'Cause like-it would be very nice actually, now that I say that out loud, if both parties had that option. Like you as a server should be able to say like, "Listen, this is the pits. You are just the most disreputable human being. Here's the key to the soda machine, are you good? Cool. (I'm done.")
Travis: (So like a Lyft) driver, Uber system where the wait staff gets to rate you, you get to rate the wait staff, and then the next time you come in they're like, "No, he's got like 4 stars, no, I'm not waiting on him. You can wait on him 'cause you're new." (Like that idea--)
Griffin: (I like the) four-star metric that you came up with there, 'cause a four-star metric intimates that most of the time it's fine, but there was one or two times where it was not fine. And I wanna know that story.
Travis: 'Cause it was just "not fine" enough--
Griffin: (It was super not fine.)
Travis: (--that they're down to) four out of five, but not so "not fine" that they're banned from the restaurant.
Griffin: It's like ten fives, and then two ones, and it's like, "Hey, two ones, c'mere. Tell me what the fuck's going on, before I sit down in that seat." [Pause] Do you guys want a Yahoo?
Justin: I—Just super quick, just to actually give you an answer, there's fucking no solution, that's the worst thing (I've ever heard. I'm so sorry.)
Travis: (The good news is that eventually) it's done, and you can go back again and like, hope that that persons' not working, or go somewhere else—(the good news is you're not--)
Griffin: (Well maybe that person—)
Travis: --trapped there for all eternity and you can eventually like. Leave.
Griffin: Okay, I'ma come down on the other side of this, you have no idea what kinda day that person's had, maybe they just need to rap about some stuff.
Travis: Yeah but, Griffin, this is (a customer interaction, like…)
Griffin: (It's pasketti time—no, the point that it's pasketti time is not gonna go away)
Travis: (No, even then…) I get your point but this is not like, "Oh, they were a little bit short with me", I'm here to eat a meal with the person I'm with, not to act as your therapist for the day. And I usually come down on that side of like, "You don't know their life!", but like, your job is to leave them alone and let them enjoy their meal and come back when they need you, that's the basis of your job, not to sit there and be like, "And let me tell ya a little more about me." Like, you're not- you don't need bedside manner as a waiter.
Griffin: Oh, I totally agree, I totally agree. Could just be havin' kind of a hard day though.
Justin: Ho-kay, how about this Yahoo that (everybody's… Talkin' about.)
Griffin: (Yeah, this) one was sent in by Rebecca Yucej—Yuket… I'ma say Yucej. Thank you Rebecca, it's by Yahoo Answers user, sorry, something's gone wrong… Let's call them "Karlee G." 'cause that's lower on the list, thank you for your bravery. Karlee G. asks:

Question #2 (20:01) Y Edit

"Chicken soup…for boys? I was wondering if there where any Chicken Soup books aimed at boys? for teens"

Travis: Oh, I thought you meant like, (literal soup.)
Griffin: (Special—yeah, Mama's--)
Travis: ('Cause I had a whole joke—)
Griffin: Mama's exquisite soup recipe.
Justin: Chicken soup just filled with like, Hot Wheel cars.
Griffin: ([Laughs])
Travis: (I had a little) joke that instead of chicken and noddle soup it was chicken and dude-les.
Griffin: Alright, alright.
Travis: Yeah, I'm gonna take that to Shark Tank to see (if I can get any investors.)
Griffin?: ([Breathy] Sirs… Sirs…) For my money, it seems like boys—boy-teens--
Travis: Boy-teens.
Griffin: Boy teens are why other people need those (fuckin' Chicken Soup books.) [Justin and Travis laugh] (Teen boys created the Chicken Soup market.)
Travis: (Please) help me book, I've dealt with boy-teens all fucking day.
Griffin: So my—
Justin: The boy teens are like the common cold that has necessitated the Soup.
Griffin: As a publisher, or author, of the Chicken Soup books—which, I don't know if those books have authors or if they just like, take a bunch of shit out of Reader’s Digest and then they get somebody to chop and screw it.
Justin: I always assumed they were the first tenet of experiments of a rogue AI.
Griffin: [Giggling] Okay, yeah.
Travis: I always just assumed they had one, and then they just like, control-F, searched all, replace pronouns, and (like--)
Griffin: (Yeah), yeah, yeah.
Travis: You know, "Let’s change that to a ‘he’, and, done."
Griffin: ‘Cause you would think my Chicken Soup for Boys would be like, "Don’t put your fuckin’ finger up there—don’t sni—don’t scratch—don’t tug on that—don’t fuckin… Just fuckin’ stop." But the thing is, that book’s too effective. The whole--
Travis: (That’s true.)
Griffin: (--Chicken Soup) for "Blank" economy is gonna just collapse around me.
Travis: You know, the Chicken Soup for the Boy-Teen Soul could just be one page with one sentence , and it just says "Put it away."
Griffin: Put it the fuck away, dogg.
Travis: And that could apply to every situation. I was a boy-teen, put it away.
Griffin: Just put that away.
Travis: Just put it away!
Griffin: (Physically--)
Travis: (Whether that) means your attitude, or your wiener. (Put it away.)
Griffin: (Mentally,) spiritually, put that thing away.
Travis: (Put it away.)
Griffin: (I feel like that's such a) powerful concept, Travis, I feel like you can start—we could incorporate that into more of our—just put it away!
Travis: Put it away. (Just don't anymore.)
Justin: (Do you guys) wanna know a quick, very true thing?
Travis: Yes.
Griffin: I'm gonna guess, just based on sort of, your whole role here in the organisation, that you have googled the Chicken Soup series, and you have an interesting factoid about maybe the number of books that there are in the series.
Justin: No, not about that. It's about the Chicken Soup for the Soul Brand Large Breed Adult Dog Food. [Griffin laughs]
Travis: Wha? What?
Justin: Because food is more than just nutrition, it's also about comfort, love, and appreciation, here's a fucking dog fo-od, with the Chicken Soup for the Soul brand on it. Chicken Soup for the Soul Brand Dog Food!
Griffin: [Laughing] You can't do that!
Travis: ([Laughing] No!)
Griffin: (You can't have two different food stuffs) in the name of a product. It can't be like, "What's up, this is Hamburger Helper's Kid Wine."
Travis: What? [Justin laughs]
Griffin: Yeah, it's wine for kids, but it's made by Hamburger Helper.
Travis: What?
Justin: There's just—
Travis: Somewhere there was a board meeting, or some kind of product pitch meeting, where someone went, "Yeah! Sure!
Griffin: (Yeah, alright.)
Justin: (Sure!) Cause I liked-I'm digging deep in Amazon and there's some like, really really good Chicken Soup for the Soul books that ---, but the weird thing about the dog food is that, you would think there would be some sort of "in-between" licensing that got them to that point but no, as near as I can figure, they made every book, and they had 'em made and they're like, "Anybody come up with any other books?" "What about Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul?" "Nope, we did that one already." "what about Chicken Soup… for the Soul… A Book of Miracles?" "Nope, it exists." "What about Chicken Soup for the Soul: I can't Believe My Dog Did That?" "Nope, (exists.")
Griffin: (Who is) that book for—okay, have we stopped auto-making these for a specific audience?
Justin: They're gettin' like, super duper specific.
Griffin: "What haven't we done, guys?" "Ugh, (fuckin'--")
Travis: (There's Chicken) Soup for Travis Patrick McElroy's Soul--
Griffin: (Yeah!)
Travis: (--which I) don't own.
Justin: "Maybe uh, what if we did dog f-ood?" ([Laughing] "Okay?")
Griffin: ([Laughing] Alright!)
Travis: (Sure!)
Justin: Sure!
Griffin: "Have we done n-napkins?"
Justin: There is a game, there's a Chicken Soup for the Game, and I bet it's (fucking fun as shit.)
Griffin: (No, no, no, no, no… No, no, no, no, no…) No, no, no, no… No, no, no, no. It's not called Chicken Soup for the Game, is it?
Justin: No, it's called Chicken Soup For the Soul: Count Your Blessings: The Game, With An Attitude of Gratitude.
Griffin: If it was--
Justin: From the number one best-selling series, as if there was any fucking doubt.
Travis: I thought it was Chicken Soup for the Game all about like, how to seduce women.
Griffin: [Laughing] Okay—Part of me (is dis--)
Justin: ([Laughing] Mystery Presents—[Laughs])
Griffin: (Mystery Presents: Chicken) Soup for the Game. I'm disappointed to learn that it's not called Chicken Soup for the Game because if they started to follow that naming convention, they could literally sell anything. Like, Chicken Soup for the Bowling Ball. It's a line of high-quality bowling balls. What's it have to do with Chicken Soup? Fuck you.
Travis: Is the Chikcen Soup for the Soul Brand Dog Food chicken soup flavored?
Griffin: I think it's just the books that nobody buys, like "Oh, nobody really bought Chicken Soup for the Boy-Grandpa--"
Justin: [Laughs]
Griffin: "--so let's just chunk those up, make some puppies eat 'em."
Travis: This is our new product, Chicken Soup for the Hamster Cage.
Justin: [Laughing] Hey guys?
Griffin: Yea, Juice?
Justin: [Laughing] Can I just read a quick review?
Griffin: Yeah, (yeah, hit me.)
Justin: [Laughing] For the Chicken Soup for the Soul Board Game?
Griffin: Yeah, (I'd love to.)
Justin: (This one) comes to us from Seattlemist: "We thought this game sounded like good wholesome fun--"
Griffin: Uh-oh.
Justin: "--but it constantly references pop culture which is annoying. There are lots of people who pay little to no attention to that kind of thing, so it unless you're really "hip" on all the current fads, celebrities and lifestyles you'll want to pass on this game. We've tweaked the questions before to suit our family, but it took a lot of tweaking and now it sits on the shelf." [Laughing] Oh-kay, hey, who want's to come over and play Grandmom and Peepop's fuckin'-- [Griffin laughs] (--bootleg Chicken Soup for the Soul Too Rowdy XXX Edition, with) no references to pop culture?
Griffin: "What's Grandma's favorite book?" "Uh… The Notebook?" "No, no pop culture! It's the Bible! Idiot."
Justin: It says, "The idea of"-they're talkin' about, it's a shame 'cause it could have been a great game-[laughing] so, "The idea of looking on the bright side of things is great-that's why we bought the game. One of our sons tends to be an "eeyore". "Well, yeah, he's got parents making bootleg Chicken Soup for the Soul Board Games, I'd say he has reason to be depressed!
Travis: "Dear parents, might I watch anything? Even PBS, I'll take 3-2-1 Contact to this way." "NO! We're gonna play Chicken Soup for the Soul: Our Edition, again." "But, there's only three questions, and all of them are 'Why are you sad?'."
Justin: "Listen, we tried to play that Chicken Soup for the Soul Board Game, it was so worldly, and very secular—it was a very secular and worldly game. And we had to make our own bootleg version of it…" ([Laughs])
Griffin: ("We're proud to present a new line) of products called: Potato Soup for your Spirit." [Travis laughs] "It's a whole new thing, different from that other-let's call it what it is, shit--" [Travis laughs again] "What are ya, a firefighter? Don't read that Chicken Soup book. It's full of shit. Potato Soup for the Spirit's what the doctor calls for."
Travis: "We don't reference anything in Potato Soup for the Spirit. Except potato soup, which is referenced quite a bit."
Justin: [Laughing] They made dog food before chicken soup!
Griffin: Yeah.
Travis: Well, what're they fuckin' gonna call it, Justin, Chicken Soup for the Chicken Soup for the Soul?
Justin: Chicken Soup for the Tummies. [Travis laughs]
Griffin: [Laughing] Well what if the chicken—Okay, (I gotta say--)
Justin: ([Laughing] What about Chicken Soup) for the Tummy’s Soul, like, what? Does my tummy have a soul?
Griffin: If you've been makin' a line of books and products, and dog food, and bowling balls, for like, 200 years, called Chicken Soup for the Boy-Grandpa, and then you release chicken soup, and it's not the best fucking chicken soup that's ever slipped betwixt these lips, I think it probably discredits the rest of your pro-like, I eat that soup and it's just okay and I think like, "Maybe I don't need to know what this book says about my firefighter's soul."
Travis: It turns out they don't know shit about chicken soup.
Justin: Yeah, they don't have any idea what--

Question #3 (30:00) Edit

My dad just got the iPhone 6+ (a large phone) and has been calling it his "cocaine tray", both in public and in private. When I bring it up, he smiles and says ‘Oh, am I embarrassing you?’" -- Cocaine Confused in California

Justin: [Travis laughs] God, (that's so good.)
Griffin: (That's really good, dude.)
Justin: (Your dad is) awesome!
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: So good…
Griffin: Have you considered starting a Dungeons & Dragons podcast with him?
Travis: That's so good, "Oh, I'm sorry, am I embarrassing you?" I mean confusing more than anything, Dad, but, chase your bliss, go for it. It's a solid joke, milk it.
Justin: When he says—and here's the way to get him to stop—next time he calls it his "cocaine tray" just nod and be like, "Nice."
Griffin: "Nice, dude."
Justin: "Nice, dude."
Travis: ("That's real good, David.")
Griffin: (And then you take out-)And then you take out your phone… Do a line of blow off of it. [Justin snorts]
Travis: While making intense eye contact with him.
Griffin: Yeah, and you say, "You wanna bump, old man?"
Travis: "We'll go line for line."
Griffin: (Line for line?)
Travis: (Is that what people do?) Like you go shot for shot, is that a thing people do with coke? Challenge each other to like, coke races?
Griffin: Yeah, it's like Lady and the Tramp, where they start on opposite ends of a line and then they come together and they're nose-kissing.
Travis: Mhm.
Griffin: Don't nose-kiss your dad.
Justin: Let's go to the Money Zone.

Money Zone (31:15) Edit

Travis: Justin, can I ask you a question?
Justin: Yeah!
Travis: How’re you sleepin’?
Justin: Uh, not, actually.
Travis: Cool, cool.
Justin: Thanks, baby.
Travis: My wife, as you know, and maybe the internet doesn't know, is pregnant. So she (has not been sleeping--)
Justin: (What?)
Griffin: (Congratulations!)
Justin: (Congratulations, Travis.)
Travis: (Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, sorry-)so she's y'know, she's been sleeping infrequently, as pregnant ladies are like to do, and I can tell ya somethin'. We've got that Casper mattress, and I am not disturbed when she gets up and is unable to (sleep in the middle of the night.)
Griffin: ([Laughs] O-kay, so now this went a different direction.
Travis: (I am able to sleep—)what?
Griffin: I thought you were gonna maybe say like, the Casper mattress is so great that it can lull my otherwise bothered pregnant wife (directly to slumbertown.)
Travis: (I mean-)I really haven't asked her about it, but like, I have been continuing to sleep great.
Griffin: Well like, yeah.
Travis: Straight through the night. No amount of her tossing, and turning, and wailing, and gnashing her teeth, can disturb my slumber on a Casper mattress. Casper mattress is incredible. They send it straight to your door, and they-through whatever black magic they've done, they're able to keep costs down to the point where it almost seems unbelievable. You can get a twin-sized mattress for as low as $500, a king-sized mattress for only $950, which is an amazing, amazing deal. The mattresses are incredible, they're incredibly comfortable-since we got ours, we've been sleeping better than ever before. And it has a risk-free trial and return policy, which means you can sleep on it for 100 days, and if you don't like it, you just return it. And, they're made in America, which, if you only want to sleep on American things, you've done it. What's the special offer, you ask? That's a good question. Justin, what is the special offer?
Justin: What's the special offer, Trav?
Travis: (Well this—)
Justin: (Well let me) tell ya.
Travis: Oh, okay.
Justin: (MBMBaM listeners--)
Travis: (I thought you were) asking me, but I just asked you.
Justin: Yeah, I know, I'm with you.
Travis: Okay.
Justin: MBMBaM listeners can get $50 towards any mattress purchase if they go to, and use promo code "MYBROTHER" at checkout, terms and conditions apply.
Travis: Go do that.
Justin: That's, and then use promo code "MYBROTHER" at checkout, you gotta do 'em both.
Griffin: Can I talk to you guys about Harry's?
Justin: Yeah—you don't need to, I'm like a big fan, but go ahead.
Travis: I've never shaved before in my life--
Griffin: (Clearly.)
Travis: (So please,) please tell me something. Free me from this beard prison.
Griffin: You haven't heard of Harry's, that's because you are a "harry", like from Harry and the Hendersons.
Travis: Guys, they should call it Not Harry's.
Griffin: Holy shit, Travi-suh.
Justin: So fuckin' good, dude.
Travis: Thank you.
Griffin: I just shit my pants.
Travis: Thank you.
Justin: "Shit your pants" good.
Travis: (That's a--)
Griffin: (That's a sh—) mmm, that's a "shit my pants" good joke! [Justin laughs]
Travis: Thank you.
Griffin: Put it up on the board!
Travis: Thanks, guys. [Pause] So, what is it?
Justin: It's a place where (you can--)
Griffin: (I was gonna) talk about it, but this is all fine. This ad is going great.
Justin: Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
Griffin: It's the shaving thing. [Justin laughs] We're supported in part this week by You ever ask yourself, "Hey, why are razors—why do they cost $140 per razor. And they're locked inside of, like, Magneto's fuckin' mind prison."
Travis: And why are they so sharp?
Griffin: "And why are they so fuckin' sharp?" Razors that you buy in the store are pieces of shit, they're so overpriced that people are more likely to steal them-if you make a razor cost as much as a television, yeah, people are gonna steal those shits because it's way smaller than a television. Crime of the century, easy crime, it's like-it's the copper wire of hygiene products. Harry's fixes all of that. They're good quality, German-engineered, five-blade cartridges, you get a close, comfy shave, quality guaranteed, you get a free refund if you're not happy with the shave, and then the price, it's factory direct. You cut out-you say, "Get the fuck outta here, Walgreens!"-you say, "Get the fuck outta here, Duane Ready-"is it Ready or Reade?
Justin: (It's Reade--)
Griffin: (No one's) quite sure who that is named after. But anyway, you say "Get the fuck outta here, Duane Whoever! Cause these (razors get shit--")
Travis: (Dwayne the Rock) Johnson.
Griffin: Well, no, I would never say that to him. These razors from Harry's, (they get straight to your door.)
Travis: (You'd say "Get in here.")
Griffin: Get in here Dwayne and shave me. I want a full-body shave from Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Justin: That's not askin' too much.
Griffin: I don't think that's asking too much at all. So, they sell their blades at half the price of the leading brand. They have a Truman starter set, it's a great option for new customers, it's an amazing deal for just 15 bucks. You get a razor handle, moisturising shave cream, and three of Harry's five-blade, German engineered razors. Harry's'll give you five bucks off, just 'cause you're a listener of our show, if you go to and use the promo code "MYBROTHER". That's, and use the promo code "MYBROTHER", get that cool cool set for five bucks off.
Travis: I've got a message for Steve ---, and it's from Beth, A.K.A. Amp—awesome.
Justin: Amp.
Travis: Happy birthday to the only one who managed to melt this once-icy heart with cuddles and kisses, and the occasional cup of tea. Love you always, Steve, my perfect boyfriend, partner, and future husband. <3 From your cheesy girlfriend/wife, Beth." It's like a time-traveling message in there, isn't it?
Griffin: What're you talking about?
Travis: Well, 'cause she says that Steve is her boyfriend, and then she identifies herself as both girlfriend and wife, as though she has become unstuck in time, and exists in both the present (and the future when they're married).
Griffin: (Oh my god. The time) traveler's… Wife.
Travis: Maybe this is when they first meet.
Griffin: (This is the moment.)
Travis: (This is the first time) Steve has heard of Beth.
Griffin: Oh, fuck yeah, the lake house. [Justin laughs]
Travis: Maybe this is when they move into the lake house.
Griffin: This is when they move into the lake house and they're like, "I'm gonna go check out the bathroom, wo-a-h! I'm in caveman times! Get me the fuck outta here, Sandra Bullock!"
Travis: "I'm trying but I just can't get Ziggy to answer me!"
Justin: Happy birthday Steve, I'm not talkin' about fuckin' Quantum Leap again. I got a message for Avital from Rishi, and it says, "The 'tron won't accommodate the entire LJ entry you wrote, so I quote: 'I saw him, on stage, and he was singing out to heaven. I swear, arms, outreached. So at peace with himself. Just so free. I started crying.' You, Avital Isaacs, wrote that about Chris Martin after a Coldplay concert." [Griffin laughs] "I'm laughing already, and it was all yellow you lunatic." [Griffin and Justin laugh]
Travis: (That's amazing.)
Griffin: ([Laughing] Oh, fuck me! This is all time! This is all time! Fuck.
Justin: Do you guys wanna read it? (I feel bad that I got to read it.)
Griffin: (This is so fuckin' savage.)
Travis: We each get to do-hold on, line readings.
Griffin: (Okay.)
Justin: (Okay.) Go ahead. Go ahead, Travis.
Travis: [In a voice full of awe] "I saw him, on stage, and he was singing out to heaven. I swear, arms, outstretched. So at peace with himself. Just, so free. I started crying!" [Justin laughs]
Griffin: [Laughing] Fuck… This is the meanest thing anybody's ever done on this show.
Justin: [Laughing] It's like, the meanest thing that anybody's ever done, but it's like-it's bulletproof.
Griffin: (It's so f-ucking good.)
Justin: (It's like)-It's teflon, like, you can't-what’re you gonna do, say you didn't write that on LiveJournal? (You did.)
Griffin: (You did.)
Justin: [Giggling] You did put it on LiveJournal. It's right there. By the way, I'm sorry to hear that our Jumbotron 3000 cannot accept your full LJ entry., or, if you wanna just shoot that over my way, and I can enjoy it in it's entirety.

MUNCH SQUAD (40:00) Edit

Griffin: Do you guys want a Yahoo?
Justin: No, because it's time for the hottest new feature that is on My Brother, My Brother, and Me, and it's called, MUNCH SQUAD. [To the tune of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock"] I wanna rock! ([guitar imitation])
Griffin: (Fear has gripped my heart.)
Justin: (MU-UNCH SQUAD! [guitar imitation])
Griffin: (With it's long, icy hand.)
Justin: You know how—okay, so MUNCH SQUAD is a new feature—
Travis: Uh-huh.
Justin: On My Brother, My Brother, and Me, hosted by Justin McElroy-You know how you're always hearing about great new fast food items.
Griffin: Oh, fuck.
Justin: But you find out about them from somebody else, right? Well, no longer, 'cause on My Brother, My Brother, and Me, I'm gonna be bringing you the latest and greatest from fast food, and it's gonna be direct from the people making them. I'm not interested in what some Youtube commenter thinks of the hottest fast food items. I wanna take it straight from the professionals who are paid to know about this stuff.
Griffin: Okay--
Justin: So, I'm gonna be bringing you the dirt, the scoop, direct scoop, and probably there will be scoops of dirt in at least a few of these items, I would imagine.
Griffin: I just wanna get ahead of this and I wanna say, you didn't tell us about this ahead of time.
Justin: Correct!
Griffin: Any crunching or munching you do into your microphone--
Justin: I'm not eating it. This is literally just PR, that's all I'm bringing you is the direct feed from the companies (making the products.)
Griffin: (Oh my god,) so you're not even eating the food.
Justin: [Stammering] No-I'm not gonna get my fuckin'-I'm not an expert like these people, I'm not paid to know what's good and what's bad in the world of fast food.
Griffin: During this segment you're just going to read PR… Bursts.
Justin: I'm gonna read it with my own sort of like, twisted spin.
Griffin: (Fuck.)
Travis: (Oh, okay.)
Justin: (Which means yes, I'm just going to) read it with no editorialisation whatsoever.
Griffin: Alright.
Justin: This first item—this is—you're gonna—(this has been sort of--)
Travis: (Can we) guess who the company is?
Griffin: I imagine it'll be pretty evident if they talk about, like--
Justin: Yeah, you will know this (one, like, right off.)
Griffin: (Yeah.)
Travis: (I'm still) gonna guess. Go for it.
Justin: Okay.
Travis: This is just a game for me.
Justin: (The first one--)
Griffin: (Like, if it says) like, "So much cheese you'll cum," it’s like, oh, T.G.I. Fridays.
Justin: [Laughs] The first one up is called "The Naked Crispy Chicken Taco".
Griffin: Okay.
Justin: It is—It started gettin' tested in September, some people started showin' up there. Buzzfeed says that this is a "Tex-Mex chain", which is literally the height of (generosity.)
Griffin: (Yeah…)
Justin: I mean it—
Travis: (Taco Bell.)
Griffin: (This is a food) business.
Justin: [Laughing] It's a food busi—It's a food repository.
Travis: This is a Tex-Mex adjacent restaurant.
Justin: So what's "The Naked Crispy Chicken Taco"? Well, it's like a taco, (but it's--)
Griffin: (Hey, can I) say something? Bad fuckin' start.
Justin: Bad fuckin' start, but--
Travis: You know a taco? Okay, hold that image in your mind, but get ready to spin it.
Justin: It's like a taco, except instead of a crispy corn shell, they have a very thin filet of fried chicken.
Travis: (No…)
Justin: (And that is) making up the shell--
Travis: (No…)
Justin: (--of the)—yeah. That is the item which we are talking about today, just for you—if you're at home, you can feel free to Google this, but I went ahead and dropped you guys in a little image there in your Skype window, you can check that out. It is a very thin filet of fried chicken—
Griffin: I hate every pixel (of this fuckin' image you just sent me.)
Justin: (Kinda like the waffle taco.) So, let's hear about it from the experts, okay, you don't wanna hear about it from me. And they're just—when is this gonna happen? Kat Garcia, Taco Bell's senior manager of marketing, says, "We're just planning (the right timing.")
Griffin: ("We're just playin') around!"
Justin: ([Laughing] Just joshin'.)
Griffin: ([Laughing]) "We're just havin' fun, we're just playin' around, man. (Don't take it so seriously it's a fuckin'--")
Travis: ("Even we don't know when this is) gonna come out!"
Griffin: Yeah!
Justin: It got it's start when Taco Bell's senior director of innovation— [Griffin laughs] —I was, you'll remember, fired from that position in disgrace in 2012—Heather Mottershaw, who imagined a taco shell made from chicken Milanese. (But--)
Travis: (How—)
Griffin: (One night when she was) super duper duper duper high and drunk.
Justin: [Laughs] Simultaneously. This is a quote from chief marketing officer Marisa Thalberg (that says, "Think of all--")
Travis: ("I'm so so) sorry, (please, God, forgive me.)
Griffin: ("Oh, God, no…")
Justin: "Think of all the crazy firsts that have existed in time and civilization--"
Travis: ([Laughs])
Justin: ("Dare we say--")
Travis: (Lightbulb,) flight, chicken taco.
Justin: "Dare we say even the creation of the wheel (probably seemed a little odd at first--")
Travis: (No!)
Griffin: (Go fuckin' home), go home.
Travis: Well they did make the wheel out of a thin filet of [giggles] fried chicken.
Justin: "That’s really a good thing!" So, this is become a passion project of Steve Gomez, Taco Bell’s manager of product development—he literally says it's a passion project, which like…
Griffin: (Hey dude--)
Travis: (You think that's) code for fetish?
Griffin: Hey buddy, your passion fuckin' sucks.
Justin: Garcia said he was worried that consumers might--
Griffin: Die?
Justin: --think that it's weird fair food, or it's "jestery", is his word. (He said that he--)
Griffin: (I'm worried that the) consumers might have the final thought on this mortal coil of, "This is like fair food," before they promptly die.
Justin: He said "When you explain it to someone they create a visualization in their mind, but then you put it in front of them and you're like, 'Try it," then it’s like, ‘Okay, I get it,’”.
Griffin: I'm looking at a fuckin' Business Insider article about this taco? And I think the way that Business Insider got tipped off is this twee from Twitter user @jawk, and it's a picture image of this fuckin' accident, and the tweet says, "yo @tacobell i found a location that had a taco shell made out of chicken-it was so good. any more info on this?" So just to like walk through this person's day: they went to Taco Bell, and they were like, "Hey, welcome to Taco Bell, what would you like? Oh, by the way, I don't know if you're interested, but we do have this essentially forbidden menu item-I guarantee you've never had it before, it's just like, we're havin' some fun-"I imagine like the opening seen in Gremlins, where it's like, "I don't really feel like a quesalupa, or a taco, or a burrito today." "Well, that's all we have. Unless you wanna try this like, crazy shit-unless you wanna try this crazy garbage that'll definitely kill your heart."
Justin: [Laughing] I like that he's asking for more info, what fuckin' context do you need my dude? It's a (fuckin' fried chicken taco!)
Griffin: (My tweet to Taco Bell) woulda been like, "Of course I ordered this, because like the beginning of Gremlins my curiosity was peaked, and I just wanna know—here's the store number, send all these people to fucking jail." [Justin laughs]
Travis: "And I just want to know, will you be responsible for taking care of my family (when I'm dead?")
Justin: ([Laughing] Right,) certainly this franchise has gone rogue.
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: This is a rogue Taco Bell that must be put down.
Travis: "Dear Taco Bell, they must be stopped at all costs."
Griffin: "Just want you to know, your employees have done this, there's no punishment harsh enough, so I really need you to think outside the bun."
Travis: "Time to call in your treaties with the Burger King and put a stop to this."
Justin: I wanna read you guys the fucking quote of the thing, the whole thing, and this is from Garcia again, we're back to Garcia.
Travis: I just love it so much.
Justin: "Taco Bell has found in the test that the vegetables somehow manage to give the meaty, deep-fried chalupa a 'health halo' in the eyes of consumers. [Travis sighs] Quote, "'We were getting feedback like, "It's so healthy. It's so fresh,'" said Garcia. 'That really surprised us because it's fried chicken.'" That's his quote, that's Garcia's quote. "That really surprised us, because it's fried chicken."
Travis: Do you think that it really surprises not like, how healthy people thought it were but like, how easy everyone was to fool into (eating a fried chicken taco?)
Justin: (Yeah, like, every fuckin' time) we think that we've crossed the Rubicon, America's like, "Hey, there's another Rubicon up ahead! Let's keep going!"
Travis: "When we debuted the chicken bad taco at some select stores, we expected to be run out of town on a rail, but here we are, the mayors of Flavortown."
Griffin: Yeah.
Travis: "We don't know what's going on. We were really surprised."

Question #4 (49:51) Y Edit

"Does space weed exist in the Star Wars cannon?"

Justin: [Whispered] Fuck yeah.
Travis: Oh, God. Good question. [Justin exhales]
Griffin: I wanna hear 'bout that… (Space doja.)
Travis: (Can we all agree) that the person most likely to really just like, get baked--
Griffin: (Yeah.)
Travis: (--is Yoda, right? It's Yoda!)
Griffin: (O-h, dude…) Dago-bon-g?…
Travis: Ha!
Justin: Dago-bong is very good.
Travis: That's why Darth Vader sounds like that, he's just hotboxin' that mask.
Griffin: Darth Vapor.
Travis: (O-h!)
Justin: (Darth Vapor!)
Griffin: Smoke. [Pause] Instead of Snoke.
Travis: Oh, okay.
Justin: Okay.
Travis: (Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.)
Justin: (Alright, alright, alright.)
Travis: Yo-dank?
Griffin: Well, I feel like we already did Yoda.
Justin: [Unintelligible]
Travis: Chew-bong-a
Justin: Chew-bong-a!
Griffin: Oh, yeah.
Travis: Bong Solo, is that too…?
Justin: ([Disapproving noise])
Griffin: (I feel like maybe we should do less of the bong,) and maybe we should start telling jokes.
Justin: (Yeah, a joke would be good.)
Travis: (Luke High-walker.)
Justin: Um, by the way, if (my fuckin--)
Travis: (This is me) for the rest of the show, go on.
Justin: If my Twitter replies turn into a fuckin' Star Wars weed wasteland--
Griffin: (Oh, God, dude.)
Justin: (--I swear to God) I'll delete the whole service. I will delete my account-you'll come up and you'll find an egg in my place, I do not need that in my life right now.
Griffin: Do you guys think when Lin wrote the music for that one scene in Force Awakens, he had to like ask questions about the canon of it, to really nail the song? And like, one of those questions had to be like, "Alright, we're in like, a good-time party spot, people are definitely blazing on some space weed, right?" And JJ Abrams was like, "Pfft, of course. Yeah, dude."
Justin: "Of course they are!"
Travis: You've just blown my mind, Griffin, 'cause the fact of the matter is with how much Extended Universe there is in this canon, there's definitely a scene of somebody smoking some kind of like, space opium.
Griffin: Well, there's the death sticks, right?
Travis: (Like, when people--)
Justin: (Are those a thing?)
Travis: I believe you, Griffin, you coulda said literally anything.
Griffin: Somebody tries to sell one to Obi Kenobi. That's what I call him, I just cut the "Wan" out, 'cause I'm a busy guy.
Justin: What about spice? Isn't that a thing, spice, (in Star Wars?)
Griffin: (Probably-)And I'm not-Guys, you're gettin', fuckin', way off track. Of course there's drugs in the Star Wars universe. Of course there are. Han Solo's a fucking smuggler, like, why'd you think that job exists if he's not (pedalling--)
Travis: (Smugglin' waffles.)
Griffin: [Stammering] Everybody looks at Han Solo and is like, "Oh, what a fun-time guy!"
Justin: He's a drug runner.
Griffin: He fuckin-yeah, he's like, "Ey, it's me, Han Solo, ha-ha, dashing rogue. Anyway, here's some crack." [Justin laughs]
Travis: [Laughing] Now hold on, he's not the dealer, Griffin, he's the mule.
Griffin: Yeah, "Hey, welcome to Kid Planet." "Thanks, this is my luggage." "Alright, come on in." "Thanks." Step, walk walk walk walk. "HEY, HERE'S THAT CRACK FOR KID PLANET!" "Yeah, get that out there, get that out there. Where's my mon-ey?" [Justin laughs]
Travis: We'll get you the crack as soon as Chewbacca shits it out later. 'Cause it's all ballooned up there.
Griffin: Yeah.
Justin: [Laughing] Every time that Han Solo flakes on the Rebellion, you have to remember that he is doing it to go transport crack.
Griffin: Yeah. [Justin laughs]
Travis: "He's back and he's saved us as we attacked the Death Star!"
Griffin: (Yeah yeah yeah, that's it, that's it.)
Travis: ("Yeah, just had to drop some) crack off at Kid Planet."
Griffin: "I gotta go-oh, it's ice planet Hoth, we haven't seen Luke in a while, I'm gonna go out lookin for him. And I'm gonna go just like, drop off some-a few lil' crack nugs."
Travis: "I'm also gonna go poach some wampa."
Justin: [Laughs] You know he was stoked when he heard it was the ice planet-he gets there and is like, "Well, this is not what I expected at all. This is a much more literal take on that concept than I sort of expected."
Travis: I bet he smuggled some really dope shit, though.
Justin: (Well…)
Griffin: (Yeah, he) smuggled robots, and like, fuckin' war heroes, and he had those monsters in the worst scene in the new movie, but then like…
Travis: I also doubt very much he drew a line anywhere. (You know what I mean?)
Griffin: (No, god no,) he's gotta get the work where he can, it's definitely a competitive field. If somebody wants him to take crack to Kid Planet…
Justin: The thing that's crazier is when the new movie starts-Han Solo's in the new movie, by the way-when the movie starts, he's back on his grind.
Griffin: (Yeah, no-)
Travis: (Smuggling.)
Justin: He's in the hunt again, you know he's movin' that good, good stuff.
Griffin: Yeah.
Travis: "I got a shipment of Ewok gallbladders here?" "Shh, keep it down, keep it down, keep it down. Shit's illegal on this planet."
Griffin: ("You smoke though--")
Travis: ("Illegal everywhere), enjoy, I gotta go deliver some crack."
Griffin: You smoke some of that… Oh man… Why'd you think those little guys are so happy all the fuckin' time? It's 'cause their livers produce crack. [Justin laughs] That's where it comes from.

Housekeeping (55:02) Edit

Justin: Folks, that's gonna do it for us, thank you so much for listening… We have a few things that we just wanna run through. If you're gonna be at our live shows in early June in D.C. and New York-sadly they're sold out if you don't already have tickets, but if you do have tickets and you're gonna be there, please send us questions to address at the show. Send in questions with "D.C. LIVE SHOW" or "NYC LIVE SHOW" in the subject line, all caps, so we make sure to see it. If you're planning on askin' us a question at the show like, don't not send in a question because of that because honestly, we only get to three or four audience questions and we always have tons of people waiting. So, go ahead and send in your questions and we'll answer 'em during the show… [Pause] Hoo…
Griffin: You alright? You get (exhausted?)
Justin: (I just thought) you guys'd like, pick it up and (say something--)
Travis: (You did great, you didn't leave any breaks.)
Justin: (Like, why do I have to do the whole thing?)
Griffin: (I was waiting for the end of your) pained sigh.
Justin: Yeah, I mean, that's…
Travis: I just did an interview on UPROXX--
Griffin: Yeah!
Travis: --that was really fun.
Griffin: (That was a real good one.)
Justin: (Yeah that was cool, Travis,) I—maybe you feel like you're a big deal.
Travis: It's nice to feel like a big deal for once. You can check that out, I'll tweet it, or you can just search like, "UPROXX and Justin McElroy", and it comes up, and it was a lovely interview with David Pemberton.
Griffin: It was really good. So, there's a bunch of other shows on the Max Fun network, if you like this show, I guarantee you there'll be at least one other show on the network-probably like, eight other shows on the network, though, that you'll really enjoy. I'm talkin' about shows like The Beef And Dairy Network, I'm talkin' about shows like Throwing Shade, I'm talkin' about shows like Jordan, Jesse Go!, and Judge John Hodgman, and Stop Podcasting Yourself… There's a ton of really good shows-if you wanna hear us do more shows, go to, we've got a bunch of other podcasts like The Adventure Zone-we're about to start a new arc on the Adventure Zone. I would say it's actually a good time to get on because we're about to start a new arc, but I feel like at this point you should probably start at the beginning, or else you'll be lost. I also wanna plug Rose Buddies, which is the Bachelor-themed show that I do with my wife Rachel. I'm very, very proud of this show, I love doing it so much, and, a new season of the Bachelor starts tonight, it's actually (the Bachelorette--)
Travis: (Inspired by) you, Griffin, I got a group together (and we're watching it tonight.)
Griffin: (You're fucking kidding!)
Travis: And we're doin' the draft and everything.
Griffin: Yeah we have—so, our last episode was a preview of this upcoming season, and then a rules for how we do our fantasy league, it's so much fun, that was our most recent episode so you could listen to that today and be ready for the episode tonight, and then listen all season while we talk about it. Anyway, that's one of the shows, there's many many other ones.
Travis: I also wanted to plug one of my shows that's not on any network, a lil' independent show called Interrobang with Travis and Tybee, where we talk about things that are frustrating us or may be frustrating you, and it's a very honest, heartfelt, scary, scary show to make, and I really love doing it, and people seen to like it, and I'd love for you to check it out. You can go to and check it out.
Griffin: Also Justin and I are doing a series of Monster Factory videos—If you've never watched monster factory it's videos that me and Justin do for Polygon where we make ugly, ugly—not ugly, they're beautiful—characters in games that allow you to do so, and then--
Justin: (Challenging.)
Griffin: (Challenging characters), then we just fuck games up. And then Totino's, friend of the family at this point, Totino's, who sponsored the McElroy Family Totino's Fun Hour here on MBMBaM, has sponsored a three-episode run of Monster Factor episodes which we are do-conducting in Second Life. The second of those three episodes goes up today, and… Holy fucking shit, it turned out so good, Justin.
Justin: Oh really? Is (it good?)
Griffin: (It's a) go-od ol' episode. So yeah, go check out Monster Factory, you can find it on Youtube—you can find it on Polygon's Youtube Channel—or you can just search Monster Factory and you'll find it there.
Travis: You can also go to, everything is there, including our contact, and our Twitters and Facebook, everything.
Griffin: Thanks to John Roderick and The Long Winters for the use of our theme song, "(It's a) Departure", off Putting the Days to Bed, it's a really really great album. Start listenin' to it now, get pumped for the summer months. I know it's a band called The Long Winters but you can listen to it for all seasons.
Justin: Griffin, do you have a final Yahoo for us?
Griffin: Oh, hell yeah I do. This one was sent in by Erin Kys, thank you Erin—Erin might need a nickname soon. It’s from Yahoo Answers user BRUCE--
Travis: The Kys-ter, The Kys-ter.
Griffin: That’s terrible.
Travis: We’ll come up with something better.
Griffin: It’s from Yahoo Answers user—and this is all caps so I am going to shout it, I apologize—BRUCE. And then BRUCE’s question is also in all caps so I’m gonna have to shout it as well, I apologize, BRUCE’s question is:

Question #4 (58:57) Y Edit


Travis: [Laughs]
Justin: [Laughing] My name’s Justin McElroy.
Travis: I’m Travis McElroy.
Griffin: I’m Griffin McElroy.
Justin: This has been My Brother, My Brother, and Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

References & Links Edit