"Forever a Whitford, Nary a Cooper" was originally released on April 11, 2011.


You guys have stuck with us through one year of monkeyshines, we've decided to reward you with a very, very special episode. What makes it so special, you ask? Its remarkable averageness. It took weeks of careful calculations, but we've managed to put together a real middle-of-the-roader, with levels of mere adequacy that you're likely not accustomed to.

Suggested talking pointsEdit

A Stein of Mayonnaise, Work It Day, Doppler Dating, Roy Halladay: Known Robot, Prodigy Balls, The Workout of Independence, Boice-Over Fartist, Soul in Your Bowl, Little 54


02:38 - My girlfriend and I have been dating for seven months now, and we enjoy going out to eat every once in a while.  The thing is, when we order the food she takes it upon herself to order both her food and my food.  At first it was kinda cute, but now it's really starting to bother me.  Should I say something to her about it, or is this one of those things I need to let go. -- Flustered in Florida

06:42 - I don't have a feminine wile. I'm not sure what happened. Please help me. How do I obtain some feminine wile skills? I'm a girl if that helps.

10:51 - Y - Sent in by CosmoDoodleCat, from Yahoo Answers user Bay Harbor Butcher, who asks:

I am thinking about doing this to 25 women this upcoming week?

I am trying to build my confidence so I can start meeting women when I am out and about like a store for example.

I usually find myself talking/flirting with women when im out but I never know if im taking their kindness the wrong way. So I always end up just leaving with out a number/email

So this is my plan.

Im going to walk up to 25 women and say "Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I think you're beautiful. Have a great day," and walk away....

How would you feel if some random guy did that to you

Additional Details: Im ok looking. Im not a Super Modle if thats what you call attractive.

16:22 - Hey! I'm from California, and I recently enrolled in college on the east coast.  I'm a big baseball fan, specifically a Giants fan. I recently had the pleasure of watching my team thrash my friend's team, the Phillies, in the North League Championships.  Sadly, he is an uber-sore loser to the point where shit-talking is no fun.  Now when I talk shit he just admits his team's failure and overall inferiority.  This just makes me feel like an asshole.  How can I talk shit and not feel like an asshole?

19:55 - You know this is my second year living in Cincinnati, and I've decided to become a Reds fan.  People having been giving me shit about that, like, "You just can't become a fan." Why not? -- Travis McElroy

21:34 - I was recently involved in a retail rage incident over a parking space. As it came to a head, it became very clear this man wanted to punch me. He didn't, but that didn't stop me from thinking about what I would do if he did.  My first thought was to instantly kick him in the balls. What would I do after that? -- Borderline Beaten-Up in Baltimore.

27:05 - Y - Sent in by Kelly, from Yahoo Answers user Clarissa, who asks:

Has anyone found any Jersey Shore fan fictions?

I already looked on and, so is there any other sites or ideas on where to look?

33:30 - MZ - Sponsored by Dawson's Puberty Cream (fictional), Bob Ball, and Metagame Theory Podcast.

42:18 - I am bored. Unless I am actually laughing at any moment, I am bored. I think this is causing problems in all areas of my life, but especially trying to keep a man. They're all just too boring. How can I retrain my brain? -- Allison, 29 ¾

44:53 - Y - Sent in by Jakob Locker, from Yahoo Answers user ice cream eater, who asks:

Should I build a disco playhouse for my kids in my backyard?

I've had this idea in the back of my head for awhile, and I'd like a little advice. I myself was a 70s kid, and disco never died in my heart. What if I built a mini Studio 54 in my backyard? I could get a disco ball, a stereo for my old record player and a cocaine vending machine!

I'd love to dress my kids up like 70s celebrities like John Travolta, Barbra Streisand, Mick Jagger and such and make them dance and have fun. Should I go through with the idea?

What colors should the inside of the disco playhouse be painted? Should the disco playhouse have windows or no windows so its dark inside?

What color would you paint the inside of the disco playhouse door?

If the disco lights.disco ball is turned on and me and the kids are dancing would it be better to have curtans at the entrance of the disco playhouse to block out outside light or no curtans and close the door?[1]

51:40 - Housekeeping

55:00 - FY - Sent in by Jakob Locker, from Yahoo Answers user Jay, who asks: 

How to do extreme couponing?

Quotes Edit

I almost never wanna ostracize entire swaths of fans of our show – I love everybody, but if you’re a Phillies fan, you can go fuck off. Go find a different podcast– this one’s not for you. Robo lovers.
— Griffin
On the flip side: God, why didn't you give me arms long enough to hug a giraffe? This how you do me?
— Griffin

On The Bay Harbor ButcherEdit

That's a great face, do you mind if I take it? Rawr!
— Griffin
I'm planning on doing this to twenty five women. I'm gonna chop 'em up and hide 'em around the city. Can you catch me? I don't think you can!
— Justin

On Little 54Edit

What's the color of massive amounts of psychological scarring? Puce?
— Travis
Listen, I've had some fucking stupid ideas too.
— Justin

Trivia Edit

Deep Cuts Edit

References & Links Edit


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