"The Secrets of Dilbert" was originally released on March 6, 2012.


We know that you'd never be so bold as to ask us to talk about relevant events like college basketball championships -- so we went ahead and fulfilled that request for you. We know, it's like we share a single brain! Now, we're going to make you think about nachos.

Suggested Talking PointsEdit

Hoop Bros, Stop Snitchin', Tieboner, Babydoctor, Lock up Your Kids, Coal-Fired Internet, Gallagher v. Gallagher, A Recap of Brett Favre's Career


05:42 - Hey, about two months ago I moved into a new apartment. Great spot, love it, but a few weeks ago someone moved into the apartment above me. He's loud and obnoxious, stomps around whenever he walks, and on almost daily basis has loud drunken conversations with his friends really late at night, often until two or three in the morning. I have to live here for the rest of the year, and he'll be here for at least as long. What's the etiquette in this situation? Should I march up there and tell him to keep it down? Should I leave a note in his mailbox? Or should I just leave it alone and get used to it. -- Can't Sleep In San Francisco

11:33 - Y - Sent in by Graham Wedderburn, from Yahoo Answers user Raj, who asks:

Why does Dilbert's tie curve up?

Scott Adams said in an interview with "No one really knows, including me. Dilbert started as a doodle before I knew he would be famous. I don't remember what I was thinking the day I decided to curl his tie up."

WikiAnswers search tells me:
A) It's a metaphor for his inability to control his environment
B) He's just glad to see you

But IMO, a mini hurricane surrounds him & keeps flapping his tie :D

To all Dilbert fans,What do you think?

17:22 - Hey, I have a problem with people taking me seriously, and it has a lot to do with how I look. I have a baby face. I typically get carded for R-rated movies, and at the hospital I work at clients always call me kiddo, buddy, or something like that. They also tend to question my experience even though I have been at my job for eight years. I've tried growing a beard, but it comes in very patchy. Any suggestions? -- Darling Doctor

23:04 - Y - Sent in by Eric Liden, from Yahoo Answers user Sarah Sparks, who asks:

Why did most of my friends turn into whores when we got into middle school? /(?

28:34 - Hey, how do I handle the immediate derision, the "well eff you, snob" derision I get when people find out I don't own a television. Hey, I love TV, I watch TV on my laptop, which often means I see new episodes before they air on real TV, so I'm beating them at TV. I shamelessly invite myself over to friends' houses to watch things, and I will never ever give up my love for admittedly-crappy TV medical dramas. Is it permissible to yell "Eff you, imma gonna go watch House now," at these people and storm off. Is there any way to defend myself as a normal member of society who loves pop culture and just happens to consume it over Wi-Fi rather than cable? -- The Future Mrs. Gregory House

33:42 - MZ - Personal message from Shawn Andritch. Sponsored by Stack Soap.

38:23 - Money Zone jingle (work in progress)

39:58 - Advertisement for Stop Podcasting Yourself.

40:43 - One of my roommates has a tendency to be up super late talking to her boyfriend on Skype. It occurred to me recently that our router is in my room, and I'm the only one in the house who is at all cognizant of the vagueries of home networking. Would I be like the biggest dick if I logged in and cut off her internet access for the night, or is this totally justified at 3:30 in the goddamn morning when I just know that that bitch is going give me a migraine. -- Vivaciously Virulent For Virtual Vengeance In Victoria

[Travis adds additional details: Vivaciously does sometimes goes to bang on her roommate's door, but sometimes it's late at night and she's comfortable in her bed, so it's easier to just turn off the router.]

45:03 - Y - Sent in by ?, from Yahoo Answers user Tom, who asks:

Does any body else abstain from masterbation/sexual intercourse before a job interview? and if not, how come?

I applied the same logic to job interview's as some sports teams do to important matches, and it has become a ritual of mine. Does anybody else abstain from masterbation/sexual intercourse before a job interview? and if not, how come?

53:58 - Housekeeping

56:20 - FY - Sent in by Lisa Hollifield, from Yahoo Answers user Spencer, who asks:

Who is a bigger star ALF or Tony Danza?

Quotes Edit

On Gallagher v. Gallagher Edit

Um, you could, uh, talk to her about it. Say 'Hey, I'm trying to sleep, could you please...' You don't have to ruin this expensive piece of internet technology.
— Griffin

Trivia Edit

Deep Cuts Edit

  • Misogynist Scott Adams is a reference to several blog posts by Dilbert author Scott Adams, which were shockingly sexist.

References & Links Edit

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